Hay Lady

I'm still alive!!

2006-12-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap! Has it been almost 2 months since I have posted? Where has the time gone???

I have been super busy with JJ's school, sick kids, being sick myself and trying to get my act together for a certain holiday which is right around the corner and I am totally not ready for. Ugh.

I only have a few minutes, so I'll just post a couple of updates.

JJ is still doing fantastic in school. Even though this has been a big financial burden for us, I will never regret making this decision. Watching him grow both in his academics and religion is so fufilling as a parent. He is also literally growing up! He is getting his permanent teeth in front and is getting taller by what seems like the minute. He is super excited to meet his new baby brother and loves to give me hugs and kiss my belly. It's really sweet.

The Shadow is a baby no more! This kid is amazing. He is such a joy. Everyone can't help but love him to pieces. He is growing tall, too and if you saw him, you would never know he just turned 2. Especially if you heard him talk. He speaks in full sentences. He carries on conversations with you like a little adult. He loves to sing. I caught him on video the other day singing "It's raining, it's pouring. The old man is snoring. Went to bed, bumped his head. Couldn't get up in the morning." I don't know how he knows all of the words, but he does. He is the kindest, most loving kid I know. He loves his daddy and mommy so much it makes my heart so full. His brother and him have their moments, but they are getting along better too.

My belly is growing as well! I am 6.5 months along. Only 10 weeks to go...YIKES! I guess I am ready. What do you need when you are having your third child of the same sex?? I have been checking out new stroller, as I certainly could use one of those. But I am pretty much set with everything else. I am struggling with insomnia, but I guess that is to be expected. Thank GOD for my Snoogle pillow. I don't know what I would do without it.

So, all in all, we are doing well. One of my favorite movies is Hope Floats. In it, the grandmother says as she hugs her granddaughter "My cup runneth over."

That about sums it up for me. My cup runneth over. I know. Enough with the sappy already...

Back to our regularly scheduled blog

2006-10-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm over it. I feel so much better now. Not that I don't get a pull at my heart every now and then, but the moments of pure insanity are gone, thank goodness.

The ultrasound went well. Everything looks good, I was just measuring big for my dates. I know my original due date (3/3) was correct, however I was 10-14 days early with my first two, so I guess I just bake them quicker :) I am now due on 2/22. That is about what I was figuring anyway.

I am so glad to have that all behind me.

So, remember the smelly kids I told you about from our carpool? I am beginning to think that they are going to be a thorn in my side for quite a while. For the second weekend in a row, the dad has dropped the kids off at our ranch unannounced and left. A 4th grader & a 1st grader. Drops them off. Without speaking to an adult. Without a phone call to ask if they can come over. Nothing. I guess we are the built in babysitters now? What the F is this all about.

I have to admit, these kids annoy the shit out of me.

They STINK. I guess I can over look that since I don't let them come in the house to play. And really, it's not their fault. I just can't imagine that they don't get teased unmercifully by the kids at school.
They have zero manners. They just barge in and out of mine & my MIL's house as they see fit. I mean, JJ does this too, but it's his house. Not theirs. And they do it WITHOUT JJ being around. It's not like they are following him.
They baby talk. Both of them. It drives me insane and I am constantly on JJ's behind not to follow suit. My almost 2 year old who talks constantly is less annoying then them.
They act like I am a wicked witch when I tell them not to do something. Hello...We have rules at this house. If you don't like it, there is the dirt road home.

I am also super pissed at the parents of these kids. How dare they think that they can just drop them both off? I don't mind the little boy being there at all, but the little girl needs to stay home or go to her own friends house. I don't want to have to entertain her and she antagonizes the boys like no other and they fight when she is around. I don't want to have to be the referee.

They had to go and ruin my day that started perfectly yesterday. JJ stayed with MIL and The Shadow woke up when the hubby got up, so he took him out with him. I went back to sleep and slept until 9:30. It was heaven! I haven't done that in so long. I certainly needed it.

So, I guess that is about it for now. I will have to think of a somewhat civil way to tell the neighbor that I am not his fucking free babysitter.

Slowly Healing

2006-10-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been rough for me. I have always thought of myself as the strong one. The one who can always get a grip. For the first time that I can remember, I felt like I was flailing wildy about, unable to compose myself or even fake it. It wasn't pretty.

My husband, bless his big heart. I love that man so. I have never seen him so concerned for me. He would do whatever was in his power to make it better for me. "I love you and I feel so bad for you" was the best thing I have heard him say in years. Instead of thinking I was some stupid moron who thought she could change the inevitable, he allowed me to grieve. And for that, I will be forever indebted. He also said we could have another baby. We won't go there, since I have a feeling I could have 6 babies and they would all be boys. He also said we could adopt a baby girl. How sweet is that? Not something I would consider, but sweet nonetheless.

My sadness was prompted by my need to mourn for the daughter I will never have, but that in turn made me mad at myself for being that shallow. I didn't understand it. It was like an endless cycle that I couldn't break.

Today, while I was setting up my table for the big school luncheon tomorrow, I ran into an old friend. I haven't seen her for a long time. She has 3 boys and works full time, so our paths rarely seem to cross. Luckily they did today. We went out to lunch to catch up on old times and I found out just how much we have in common now. She could totally relate to my feelings. It's like I was reliving a chapter in her life. Her words were my words and she knows exactly what I am feeling. It was such a nice time and just what I needed.

This whole turn of events has brought me closer to friends that I really can count on. I was shown support through phone calls, emails & hugs, that lifted my spirits. They are bringing me out of the black hole I felt I was in. I don't feel like thank you is enough right now. They know who they are. My heart thanks you for your kindness. I hope I can help you when you are down the way you have helped me.

So, I have decided to drown the rest of my self-pity in PTA work. Nothing cures the blues like a bunch of competitive moms, right? You know I hate to lose :)

The ultrasound was uneventful. We won't know anything until tomorrow at the earliest.

I'm not OK

2006-10-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

Being depressed is something I don't understand. At least I didn't, until now.

We found out yesterday that we are having boy #3. And I have barely stopped crying since. I'm so confused. I don't even know why I am so upset. Am I going to love this baby any less because he is male? Absolutely not. However, letting go of all of the dreams of being a mom to a girl has been more difficult than I ever imagined. They all seem so stupid and superficial, yet I feel like each one of them is breaking my heart, piece by piece.

I'll never get to dress my daughter from head to toe in pink, including headband.
I won't get to see my husbands heart get melted by his daughter.
I won't be buying any of those ugly plaid jumpers for Catholic school that make my heart melt.
I'll never get to take my daughter to ballet instead of soccer.
I'll never get to take her to buy a prom dress.
I won't get the chance to see her brothers size up her dates.
I'll never be able to have a mother/daughter spa day.
I won't get to talk to her about the man of her dreams.
I won't get to help her plan her wedding.
I won't get to see her dad walk her down the aisle.
I will probably have grandchildren, but I won't be the one getting the first phone call.
And on and on.

I feel so stupid for all of this. But it hurts. Literally hurts.

I have mentioned to a few friends of mine that I haven't bonded as much with this pregnancy. I am not super excited. Is it because I knew it was a boy? I don't know. But all of that is behind me now because I am worried about something else. My OB ordered a more detailed ultrasound at the hospital. I didn't think anything of it when she ordered it, but then my mind started racing. Hubby was with me and said she really didn't seem concerned, but the reason she wrote for ordering the ultrasound was "fetal anomaly". WTF? Is there something wrong with my baby and she didn't want to alarm us since we had JJ with us? Is that verbiage just something to make the insurance pay the claim? It' been eating at me all night. The guilt is horrendous. I am feeling like if there is something wrong with this baby, it is my fault. I am to blame. I should have done a million things better.

I can't take it. I feel like I can't breathe. The sadness and the guilt are overwhelming.

And I am not OK.

Heaven tastes like Sweet Onions, I know it.

2006-09-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had these???

These little chips from heaven that are so good people are willing to spend over $10 a bag on eBay for them???

I have. I am freaking hooked. They are fantastic.

Don't be fooled by the impostors. The ones that catch your eye with the words KETTLE CHIP blazoned across the front. Oh no. Those are crap. They should say KETTLE SHIT on the front because that is what they taste like.

The Tim's chips? They are FABULOUS!! Ifyou can get your hands on them, DO IT!

Luckily I found a grocery store in our area that carries them and they carry Pirate Booty. I am forever indebted to that store. So what if they don't have a deli and their meat selection sucks. They carry my kettle chips, so there I will shop.

At least while I am pregnant and I have to have them.

Things I just don't understand

2006-09-18T16:22:00.000-07:00

I just don't get it.

I am a firm believer in God. But sometimes, he confuses me.

I know. Everything happens for a reason. I usually don't think God gives people more than they can handle.

Then things like this happen and I question everything.

Take Julia for instance. How much more can this woman take. 11 pregnancies resulting in only one baby? And now, pregnancy #12 is in jeopardy? Why? How? Her writing is just so raw. I am amazed by her. Her family is in my prayers.

One of my friends just announced her pregnancy, only to turn around and start bleeding enough to go to the Dr. I am so scared for her. She has been trying for so long. She is an awesome mom and deserves to have another child. I pray everything works out for them.

My cousin has been TTC for almost a year now. She has been to a specialist and has been taking different approaches to try and get pregnant. She found out this month that she has a small cyst on her ovary and they want to put her back on birth control to see if that will make it go away. I am so sad for her. Her and her husband will be such great parents.

Why is this? Why? When there are so many women out there who have unwanted pregnancies. I don't understand.

I admire these women so much. I don't know how they continue on the emotional roller coaster. I don't know how they find the strength to persevere. Then fate steps in and deals them yet another blow. So unfair. I keep them in my prayers. I think about them often. I wish them the best.

And I pray that all of them can hold babies in their arms soon.

October 12th

2006-09-12T13:25:00.000-07:00

That is the big day. The day we get to find out if our last child will be a boy or a girl.

I really don't have a clue what I am having. I just knew that The Shadow was a boy from day one. I knew JJ was a boy too, even though they couldn't tell during the ultrasound. This time, nothing.

Maybe it's because I don't want to feel disappointed if it is another boy? Not that I think I will be. I know it's completely out of my hands. I will be happy with a healthy baby of either sex. I really will be. Now stop asking me.

We (OK, I) already have names picked out for either sex. If it is a girl, then I have a TON of stuff to sell on Ebay. Lots of baby boy outfits that I worked hard to find. Hopefully someone else will get good use out of them and I will make a few bucks to put towards buying adorable girl clothes like these or these.

What? A mother can dream, can't she?

This is going to be the longest month of my life.

I Love You, Stinky Face

2006-09-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read that book? Really cute. It's one of JJ's favorite. If you have boys, you must get it. It's adorable.

But that's not the stinky problem that is eating at me right now.

I'm really not sure I should blog about this because I really don't ever want them to find me out. I really like these kids, they are sweet. And their parents have been nothing but nice to us. But I have to tell someone.

We started a carpool with two of our neighbors who attend the same school as us. I drive in the mornings, since I am going to work anyway, and they split the afternoons. It works well for all of us.

Well, the kids that I pick up first, um, how do I say this nicely, they REEK. BAD. Make me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. I can't quite place the rancid combination, but let's just say it's a bit of cigarette smoke combined with musty clothes and then add a bit of some kind of air "freshener" that I am sure the parents *think* takes the nasty smell out. OMG. It is horrible.

I am so embarrassed for them. They are oblivious to it, obviously. I almost feel bad for the other kids I pick up. But most of all, I hope they don't think it's US that stink. I mean, they are leaving that rancid smell in my car. Ick.

I really don't know what to do. My first instinct is to Febreeze them/my car every morning, but I think that might be a wee bit obvious, no? I try to crack the windows in hope that all of the stinky will get sucked out the windows, but no such luck. I need to figure something out before winter when it will be impossible to do even that.

You wish you were me right now, don't you?

Does it all have to go to hell in a hand basket?

2006-08-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

What's the deal?

I feel like I am falling apart. I look in the mirror and it is a sad sight looking back at me. I am one of the few blessed with pregnancy mask. I get dark colored pigment all over my face. It really does look like a mask. It's supposed to go away, but I still have a few spots left from my first pregnancy. They are right under my eye, just perfect to make you wonder from afar if I got makeup in the wrong place or what. Terrible.

Then my hair. Good lord, it needs serious help. I don't know if it is the pregnancy or what but my color was kaput less than 3 weeks after I had it done and I don't go in for another 2 weeks. AHHHH!!! Seeing all this gray is making me nuts and so self conscience.

And finally, this body of mine. I am so at the "Gee, she is really putting on weight" stage. I know I am going to regret saying this, but I wish my belly would just go ahead and pop out so I could look pregnant. I am still too small for maternity clothes, yet I am down to only a select few outfits that I can actually be comfortable in. I refuse to buy the "transition" clothes, as this will be our last and I don't really need any more clothes.

It also seems that I have become one of them. I think the outsiders "affectionately" call us the "Mommy Mafia". You know who I am talking about. They drive up in their SUV's full of kids, thanks to the wonders of carpool. After all of the kids pile out, they empty the car of the latest thing the school needs them to collect (old phone books, soup labels, boxtops, etc.). They are bogged down with all of that and then the healthy snack they bring for their child's class. They chat with the other mom's outside the classroom until they let the kids in. They run to the office to drop off forms. They attend the parent's club meeting. They volunteer to decorate a table and sell tickets for the Fashion Show luncheon, even though they know it is super competitive. They get suckered into decorating yet another table, but they don't have to sell the tickets for that one, thank goodness. They revel in the joy of getting 12 service hours out of one day :) They order their scrip for the week. They chat some more with the other moms.

When in the heck did this become my life? This was the life of other moms. Non-working moms.
I didn't do ANY of this last year when JJ was in public school. It's so different here. They suck you in. They make you feel welcome. They woo you with promises of easy ways to get those 50 service hours over with.

And strangely, I am fitting right in. Who would have thunk it??

Now, if I could only get my personal appearance together.....

The word is out

2006-08-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

And boy, does it spread fast. Once you start to tell people about your pregnancy, especially in a small town, everybody knows. The first day of school, I had people coming up to congratulate me. Bizarre.

JJ was NOT happy when we told him. He cried and ran out of the house. He has since got over it, but insists that I better give him another baby brother because he does not want a baby sister. Oy. I told him mommy & daddy can't pick what we want. He doesn't care, he just wants another brother.

I seriously don't care either way. While I would be thrilled to have a baby girl to dress up, another boy would be just perfect. We are done. We are SO done. The Hubby tried to be funny last night and told me if this was a girl, he waned to try for another boy and I kicked him out of bed. Literally. I am not doing this to myself again. Things have been rough this time. I have felt the worst I have ever felt while pregnant and it doesn't seem to be letting up, even though I should be reaching the magical second trimester any day now.

I seem to have my days and nights mixed up, just like a newborn. Oh what I wouldn't give to be able to pop a few Excederin PM's and drift off to a peaceful slumber. It would be heaven! Instead I sit here all day yawning and trying to keep my eyes open and stay a bit focused. So if this post makes no sense, forgive me. I am working on pregnancy brain and a few minutes of sleep here and there.

God, I am a mess.

Male PMS

2006-08-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

My DH has got a severe case of it lately.

My hubby, he is a worry wart. I swear it is bred into him. All of the Portuguese people I know are natural born worriers. I am more of a cest la vie kind of girl. I mean, I will do what I can to make our lives more positive, but I can let things go and just be.

Our dairy is coming up for rent soon. He has several people looking at the place and he is just dying to get one tied down. It is consuming him. We went out to dinner last night and that was all he talked about. I just sit back and let it go in one ear and out the other. Frankly, I know it will all work out fine. He is never convinced of that and thinks the world is going to end if he doesn't do something NOW!!! He stews and brings things up from the past. "We should have done this, we should have done that" Well, you know what? You didn't. So get over it and move on. He has such a hard time letting things go.

It has made him cranky and moody and no fun to be around. And yet he still wants me to be intimate with him. Frankly, it's the last thing on my mind. I don't feel good. Evenings have been the worst. And when he is a total jerk all day and then lays down in bed and becomes Mr. Happy, well, I can't do that. I feel like that condones his behavior and that is not acceptable. I realize he is under a lot of stress, but how does he think that affects me when I have to walk on pins and needles because he may be having a pissy day?

So, not getting any makes him crankier and more of a jerk. Last night, we were watching TV in the living room and he just gets up and goes to bed. Doesn't say anything to me. Alrighty then. I went to bed when the program was over and he tried to get frisky with me. Hello, asshole, you can't even give me the common courtesy to say goodnight and then you expect me to give you some? No thank you. It's such a viscous cycle. How do you break that?

I just wish he could find some peace in his life. I wish he could learn that he can give all of his worries to God and He will take care of it. I've tried to tell him that, but he really hasn't grasped how that works yet. He wasn't raised that way. If he could just learn to let things go and move forward he would be so much happier. And more content in every way.

A Pain in my Ass

2006-08-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

I have the worst pain right now. You are not going to believe what happened to me this afternoon.

I had a few errands to run. It is such a nice day today and I thought I would finish them up this afternoon. I walked down to my car, opened the door, climbed in and

OOOOUUUUCCCHHH!!!!!!!

I screamed.

Something poked me in the ass.

I jumped out of the car again.

I looked at the back of my pants and saw nothing.

I looked on the seat of my car.

And there it was.

A BEE!

A freaking bee stung me in my ass!!!

I shooed him out of the car.

Went to sit down again and OUCH!!! Again!

And the damn stinger was stuck in my comfy cotton knit gauchos.

Shut up. They are comfy, I don't care how they look at this point.

I had to pull the stinger out of my pants.

I should have turned around and stung the bee back with his own stinger, the jerk.

I had to put ice on my butt.

It hurts so bad.

I guess those errands can wait.

How he got into my completely sealed up car, I will never know.

Lazy Days

2006-08-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

I love my lazy weekends. Love them. They are few and far in between, but oh so wonderful. I like the thought of sleeping until all hours of the morning (even though I rarely do), instead of jolting out of bed at 6:13 every morning. Staying in my nightgown all day and not caring. Meandering around the house, picking up, cleaning up. Watching lots of worthless TV. Taking cat naps all day.

Before I had kids, I could spend all weekend in the house and never step foot outside. I would sleep until noon and do whatever I felt like all day. I had two loads of laundry to do, towels & undies, since I wore business attire most of the time and it was dry clean only. I didn't have to cook. No one drug a thousand toys into the living room for me to trip over. No one screamed at the mere sight of the vacuum cleaner. Life was so great, so I thought.

Now, of course, things have changed. Every once in a while, DH will wake up and dress the boys and take them outside. I relish those days of even a couple hours of extra sleep. I have mouths to feed and diapers to change and children to clothe, cleaning to do, laundry to clean, fold and put away. I have soccer games to attend, birthday parties and lots of other things taking away those precious weekend hours.

This past weekend was a lazy weekend, I hung out in the house all day. I sat on the floor and played with The Shadow for hours. I held him instead of putting him in his crib for a nap and took a nap of my own, drifting to sleep while smelling his sweet little head. I was right there for all of the kisses and hugs he was willing to give. He was quite generous! I sat back and realized that I don't have much more time for this, these precious weekends with my babies. Soon the chaos will begin. Soon I will have another precious little one to share my time with. I can't wait, but I really want to spend every hour I can just "being" with my boys. My time with JJ is already so limited. He is such a busy outside boy and I'm not going to begrudge him that time and make him hang out with mom. He did buy himself a Game Boy this weekend, so I spent a while teaching him the strategies of Mario Bros. Now there is something daddy can't do!!

This time made me think. Do I really want a girl? Like, if I could choose right now, what would I choose? Then I realized it doesn't matter. All our family will need to be complete is a healthy baby. Whether he wear his brothers hand me downs or she gets lots of pretty dresses and hair bows, when we hold this precious bundle in our arms, our family will be complete.

And my weekends will be full of so much joy.

A Title Eludes Me

2006-08-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

Perhaps because this will be a mish-mash of what is going on over here lately. Feel free to skip this one as I ramble.

JJ starts school on the 23rd. His new school. Catholic school. Yes, we did pray that he would get in and after meeting with the principal, a lovely Irish nun, who reminds me so much of my grandma, we were sure this was the place for him and our family. I have been nothing but happy with what has been going on so far. They assign all new families to the school a "mentor" family to help them along and answer any questions we may have. We were picked by a family that we have had a bit of contact with (JJ & her daughter went to daycare together when JJ was a tiny baby) but she is sweet as pie and we chatted on the phone for a while. She is due with baby #3 any day now. It was so hard for me not to say "Me too!!!", but I kept my secret. We will be deeply involved in the school during this coming year and I look forward to meeting new families and making new friends. I don't look forward to eating beans and rice for the next year, since with tuition and all, that seems to be all we will be able to afford.

Moving forward, I am a bit peeved at my OBGYN office. I really like her. My birth experience with her was fantastic. But I HATE her secretary. She is a blundering idiot. For instance, I do recall walking into her office for a routine checkup while preggo with The Shadow and she was on the phone to my home, my home that is at least 45 minutes from the Dr office, to tell me that the Dr was away for an emergency and she needed to reschedule me. HELLO, idiot. I was standing right in front of her. I ended up seeing another Dr, but she does stupid shit like that all the time. When I found out we were expecting #2, I called to schedule an appointment and she acted like I was an idiot to call her so soon. Yes, I did barley test, but I wanted in and I know she is popular. I got a tongue lashing about how they don't even see expectant moms until at least 8-10 weeks in. Fine, I thought, then schedule me a damn appointment for then, and she did. This time, since I am NOT a new patient, I called at around 8 weeks. I got scolded for not calling sooner since "They are so busy". WTF, lady? Make up your damn mind. She said she would have to "Search for an appt and would call me back." I gave her my work number and told her to call me there. A WEEK later, I get a call AT HOME, that she has an appt. for me. For August 17th. I will be darn near out of my first trimester by then. I guess that is fine, being that my pregnancies are rather boring anyway. Come in, pee in a cup, step on the scale, check your blood pressure, have a nice day. No complications (knock on wood), noting extraordianry. I'm wondering if I should just tell her to beat it and find someone new?

I really think I could go the midwife route now. If it were up to me, I would birth at home in a tub, but my Catholic-Portuguese-Worrywart husband would have none of that. I think if I mentioned it he would have an aneurysm. Thing is, I HATED the hospital I birthed #2 at. I HATED it. The post-partum ward is like a freaking dungeon and they make you share ugly, tiny rooms with a tinier curtain inbetween, usually with someone who seems to have 15 other freaking kids who want to come and see them at all hours. It's maddening. I would give anything for a birth center that I could pop this kid out in and then be on my merry way. Nothing would make me happier. I thought about telling them I wanted to birth and then go home, but someone told me that the only way you can do that is to sign out AMA (against medical advice) and then your insurance will reject your claim. Freaking lovely. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

There is one other hospital in a closer town, but the OB's there suck the big one. That is where I had JJ and it was the worst birth experience. The Dr was a total prick and unfortunately, he is one of only 4 who practice there, so the odds of getting him again are quite high. I think DH would kick his ass if he saw him anywhere near me after the way he treated me last time. But the nurses and the PP rooms are awesome! I would love to be in that hospital with my Dr. Why does this have to be so damn hard?

The Shadow is growing like a weed, talking like a champ, and has just been so much fun lately. He is due for another haircut, as his gorgeous curls are returning and Daddy doesn't like it. We have had a few sleep issues, but we are making progress. JJ has grown up so much this summer. He really is maturing and I am in awe with how he is changing before my eyes.

That's about it. Thanks for letting me ramble.

Mother of boys? Here's what you are in for....

2006-07-31T13:52:00.000-07:00

*Conversation during bath time the other night*

JJ: Hey mom, I've got balls of steel
Me: *Choke, gasp* Whaaaattttt????
JJ: I've got BALLS OF STEEL!!!
Me: (Trying not to faint or burst out laughing) What makes you say that?
JJ: Look at them.....they are HUGE!!!
Me: (Dead silence. What do you say to that??)

*Conversation held with my aunt*

Aunt: Hey JJ, what would you like for your 6th birthday?
JJ: A 22.
Aunt: A what? What's a 22? Is that a game?
JJ: No, duh. A 22 pistol.
Aunt: Um no. I'm not buying you a pistol.
JJ: Well, how about a double barrel shotgun? I saw one at the store the other day. Let's go get it.

And he came home with one. Luckily for us, it was of the Nerf variety.

Consider yourself warned. If there is not something of the female variety growing inside me right now, I just might not make it.

Forgive me...

2006-07-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

I've been, well, how do I put this......PREGNANT!!!!

I wish there was a way to describe that properly. That the word "pregnant" would be a putrid green color, all bubbly, with steam coming off of it. Looking like something that just crawled out of the swamp. Because that, my friends, would describe how I have been feeling quite perfectly.

I have been tired, bitchy, queasy, nauseous, ugly, fat, hormonal, you name it. Did I mention fat? As in, I already look pregnant and I am still trying to hide it? I would love to make it through the 12 week mark before I spill the beans to families, bosses and such, but I don't know if I am going to make it. I am 8 weeks now and maternity clothe are in the near future, I predict.

Was this planned, you ask? Sort of. The Hubby really wanted baby #3 and he didn't want to wait too long in between like we did with JJ & The Shadow, so I thought we should give it a try. And don't I go and get knocked up the very first month? It took us 8 months to get pg with The Shadow, why would I think this should happen so quickly? I don't know. So, the official due date is March 3rd. Nice time to have a baby. Think pink thoughts for me, would ya? I'll be checking in as often as I can. I hope to return to regular blogging shortly.

I suck at this parenting thing...

2006-06-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

Last night was proof of that.

I had heard through the grapevine that soccer sign-ups were last night. Then, of course, I get a rambling phone call on Tuesday night (i.e. the night before the meeting) from the Cub Scout lady that JJ has a den meeting on Wed. night as well. The meeting was to begin at 6:30*rambleramble*stutter*at St.somethingchurch*rambleramble*stutter*earn badges*rambleramble*see you there.

Well, alrighty then. I rush home to pick JJ up after work and get him into his Cub Scouts uniform. Only he's not home. He went to town with my MIL. I track them down (Thank God for cell phones) and she agrees to meet me at The Shadow's babysitter. I gather his scout uniform and ran back out the door.

I get to the babysitters and quick make JJ change. We hop in the car and drive to the hall where soccer sign ups are supposed to be, but no one is around. Scratch that plan.

I speed toward the town that his scout meeting is in, but fate, it was totally fucking with me last night. I got behind every stinking slow looky-loo around. I was so frustrated. I yelled out "Son of a BITCH!!!" and guess what came from the mouth of The Shadow.....Bietch!!! Bietch!!! His new word. Thank you, mother of the year. I then got a lecture from JJ about how I can't talk like that anymore since he is going to Catholic school next year. Guilt on top of shame. Thanks for that.

Did I mention that? He got into Catholic school! Hooray!!! More about that later.

We arrive at St.something church at 6:30 for said meeting and a group of parents are standing around. Parents. No children. WTF??? So. I ask them what's going on and they tell me their phone call said it was a parent's meeting. I swear the lady told me to bring JJ to earn badges. Is she trying to make me look like a fool? I'm already feeling like an idiot about the soccer sign up thing.

Turns out, the meeting didn't start until 7 and it was a parent meeting. To watch a video for an hour on how to spot signs of abuse. No freaking thank you. I was out of there. I got up and left. And they made me feel like a jack ass for doing it. I am reconsidering this whole Cub Scouts thing even though JJ hasn't even been to one meeting. They are so damn unorganized and the leader is like 90 and looks like he will drop dead any minute.

Ugh. I feel like a total loser mom.

Normality

2006-06-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have been searching my soul lately for something *meaningful* to blog about. It's been constantly on my mind. I've got nothing. NOTHING, I tell you. My life is just so...Normal. Boring. Vanilla. Blech.

So, I guess I need to spice it up a bit. Any suggestions?

In the mean time, I'll continue with the monotony of my life.

JJ graduates from Kindergarten on Thursday. I am so proud of him. My boy, he is reading! He is writing sentences! It's an awesome thing to watch their minds grow. We are still wrestling with the whole Catholic school thing. I just want to get him the best education we can. We are going to a swim party after graduation. Let's see if that can produce a blogworthy story. Although, I think it may have a hard time topping Ms. PTA resident/sex toy whore.

The Shadow is growing by leaps and bounds. He is so stinkin smart. I'll have to keep my eye on that one. He doesn't miss a thing! His favorite new word is "NO" although it sounds more like a howl, "NNNAAAAOOOOO". He has really been enjoying summer and all of the outside time he gets. Last night he ran through the sprinkler for a while and totally wore himself out. I got the cutest video of him trying to fight his sleep. His eyes were rolling back in his head and he kept dropping his bottle and having to search for it. Cruel, I know. I should have been rocking him to sleep. But it was so damn funny.

I should be thrilled that my life is so vanilla right now. I could have lots of drama that I don't need. I'll just count my blessings anf kiss my babies and keep it like that.

When Reality Smacks You In The Face

2006-05-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

I apologize now for ignoring you a while, Oh Blog World. Life has been crazy, to say the least. Ever feel like a hamster on one of those plastic wheels????? I feel like I am running my ass off and getting no where. It would be great if that wasn't a figure of speech, since this ass could use alot off the back. But I digress.....

I am back from meeting my imaginary friends in Southern California. It was so much fun. Better than I had imagined. The only thing that I would change if I could would be the amount of time we were together. I think a week would have been better. I know we would miss our little ones like crazy, but hell yes the fun we would have and the shopping we would do!!!

I have never felt more comfortable in my life. Even though the relationship that I have forged with these women has been through the internet, I felt like I had known them my whole life. I hope all of you have the chance to meet special people like these someday.

F - WOW! You are amazing. You are a gorgeous, eloquent, thoughtful, I could go on & on. You just have such a kind way about you. Even though you can talk shit like a pro, you still have that tender and understanding voice that I know speaks from your heart. Listening to you talk to your kids & hubby on the phone melted my heart. They are so lucky to have you. I am so lucky to know you. You are one cool mama! So put together. I love your hip haircut and you dress just adorable. Can I be like you when I grow up?? ;)

J - WOW again! You are everything I thought you would be & more! You are so cute with your preggo tummy! You and I are so much alike, it's scary. I love that I can say whatever is on my mind with you and I know that you will take it just the way I meant it. You are sincere. You are kind. You love your family to pieces without letting it suffocate you. You are who you are and I love you for it. I can't wait to get together again when you can partake beverages of the alcohol sort :) Thanks for the vino, my friend. That was so kind of you!

S - Thanks so much for taking precious time away from your family to meet up with us when you could. I know how hard that is for you. I hope that next year you can get the time away that you deserve with NO regrets.

VEGAS, BABY in 2007!!!!! I don't know if I can wait that long to see you all again :)

Now, back to reality....

Sunday morning I had to take The Shadow to the ER. I was in LA where, despite what you might think, there are zero 24-hour walk in clinics. He was having trouble breathing (similar to the incident this fall) and I knew he needed a breathing treatment. Had he been having trouble before the trip, I would have packed his meds & machine, but this kind of came out of the blue. I am getting a bit paranoid that he has Asthma. His doctor & the ER doctor both don't think so, but I don't know how it could not be. At his next check up I am going to ask for an inhaler to avoid any further ER visits. I was scared to death. He was panting in fast, shallow breaths. I finally got in the car and drove around at 3am to find the closest hospital. Not a Mother's Day I want to relive, thank you very much. I did get to spend the rest of the day with Grandma and then mom rode with me home. Dad followed us. I told him to just keep up and put the petal to the metal. We were home in 2 1/2 hours. Nothing like cutting 30 minutes off your trip. The Shadow slept nearly the whole time, which makes sense since he was up most of the night before.

The Hubby & JJ greeted me when I got home with a very nice gift. It was a mother's necklace with the boy's birthstones. I love it, but it is too small. I pulled out the chain and it looks like it should be a bracelet instead. I'll have to see about getting a longer one. I can't wait to wear it!

Since Sunday I have been giving The Shadow breathing treatments every night and he had his last dose of Prednisone this morning. That's a steroid. It concerns me to be having to give him steroids at such a young age, but the Hubby doesn't think it is anything to worry about unless his balls start looking like raisins and he develops biceps. Nice, huh?

So we are back to craziness over here. The Shadow is swinging from the chandelier from all of the energy his meds give him and JJ is fighting me everyday to go to bed in the evening and then get up in the morning. I can't wait until summer!!!

A picture of our girls weekend. Who is who? Any guesses? Don't cheat if you know me :)

I'm Baaaack!!!

2006-05-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be MIA over here. So much going on!! In the last 4 days I have attended 2 funerals & 2 children's birthday parties. I'm not sure which is more draining on a person.

My mom & dad's neighbor passed away suddenly of a heart attack on the 21st. He was in his mid 60's and a fairly healthy guy. It came as a shock to all of us. Then, 4 days later, his 44 year old son in law passed away from a stroke. So much tragedy for this great family.

Mom & dad really couldn't have picked better neighbors. Before we had the kids, we used to go out with them for dinner on the weekends. Danny always had a story to tell and he could bullshit with the best of them. His funeral service was very nice. They had a neat slideshow. I don't think there was a dry eye when "O Danny Boy" was sang.

After that, they asked if people would like to get up and tell a funny story or a fond memory of him. The one that came to my mind couldn't be told in church, so I'll tell you all here.

A few years ago we were at their house watching the Superbowl. The house was full of people mingling & talking. Danny & I were sitting across the room from each other. A commercial comes on the TV for Cialas. You know, an offshoot of Viagra. They are talking about the side effects and the announcer says "If your erection lasts for more than 3 hours, please contact a doctor". No one was paying attention to the TV but Danny & I. His eyes shot across the room to see if he heard that right. He caught my eye and he said "Well, I hope to SHOUT! 3 hours. I'm going to get some of that!" I about fell on the floor laughing. The look of shock on his face was priceless. I will never forget that. It was hilarious!!

We will miss you terribly, Danny Boy.

We attended his funeral on Friday. On Saturday we had to be at Chuck E. Cheese at 10am for a birthday party. I hate that place. The food sucks. The staff is a bunch of pimply faced teenagers with no clue what to do and it's dirty. Ick. I was so glad to get out of there.

Chuck E. is on the other side of Visalia, so I decided to go to the mall to find a bathing suit while I was in town. On a weekend. With both of my boys. Might as well add insult to injury, right? Do you know how hard it is to find a bathing suit that fit me, that I could wear in public and didn't look like I stole it from my mom's closet? Damn near impossible. I did find a halfway decent one after trying on the whole dept. In the dressing room for what seemed like hours with both boys on a candy & soda high from Chuck E. I'm lucky I didn't hang myself with one of those wretched bathing suits right there in Gottschalks. What a headline that would have made.

What happened to spring, by the way? Last Wed. we had the heater on and by Friday, the A/C was on. Crazy. It's humid and that makes me so damn crabby.

Sunday was a swim party for JJ's friend. I was actually kind of glad I went. You see, the mother of this child acts like she is "all that". She is president of the PTA. Fake boobs, fake nails. Way overdone hair. Drives around with her 4 kids in the big Excursion, but wait, gas prices got too high so she bought a new Mercedes to get around town. And her husband does all of the cooking. You want to smack her already, don't you??

Well, I feel so much better about myself now. She lives in a cracker-jack small house. It's is FILTHY! Not just dusty & cluttered like mine, but scummy dirty. Like she had never wiped her white doors down ever! And she has 4 kids, so you know how gross that is. And how does she get her "wonderful" husband to do all of this for her? She sells sex toys on the side. Yep, the president of the PTA is a sex toy whore. Lovely. One more reason why I want JJ OUT of that school.

Then today we went to the other funeral. He was an eccentric kind of a guy & I was so glad to see the big turnout at the funeral. My friend's husband gave the eulogy and he did a fantastic job. I don't think anyone could have done it better. I told him so later and he said "Something just came over me and the words just flowed."

We know what came over him. Charles got his last words out and I'm sure he was smiling down from above as the kind words and laughs were shared.

So, I've had enough tragedy these last few weeks. I am so looking forward to our Ya-Ya spa weekend. Only 10 1/2 days left, but who's' counting???

My New Website Is UP!!!

2006-04-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

I finally got the bracelet website working. It's definitely not the background that I wanted, but at least it is functioning.

Take a peek when you get a chance!

Hay Lady Originals

I This What I Have To Look Forward To?

2006-04-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

JJ had his first sleep over this weekend. It was interesting to say the least.

I promised him that he could have his friend G over during Spring Break to play. Nearing the end of Spring Break, JJ insisted I call them like I promised. I called his mom and she said Saturday was good. MIL was coming home from town, so she said she would stop by and pick him up. When she arrives home, she has *2* little boys in the car. Apparently, G's older brother,~~the devil~~ S, was standing in the doorway all sad-eyed and MIL asked if he would like to come too. Did she ask me? Me who needs to feed and look after them? Nope. Not me.

They played outside most of the day. I fed them ham sandwiches for lunch. Holy Crap can boys eat. Then JJ asked if they could spend the night. I told him it was up to their mom, completely thinking she will say "No. It's Easter. Maybe another time." and she says yes. Damn it. She wanted them home early the next morning and DH agreed to take them. She brought over their clothes and we were chatting. She said "They have been good? They usually fight constantly". "They've been very good" Stupid me says, and she leaves. And then ~~the devil~~ S comes out of his shell.

JJ runs into the house crying. It seems that S thought it would be hilarious to *STOMP* on the eggs in our driveway. Yes, the bird eggs. The ones that I have been so careful not to crush with my SUV. The ones with a garden stake & a hose clearly marking them out. He lies and tells me he was walking & didn't see them. JJ tells me he did it on purpose. I should have sent the kid home then.

I made hamburgers for dinner. I've always known that JJ eats like a bird, but damn, these kids are PIGS. I made 12 hamburger patties and had zero left after we ate. 6 people, zero left. I ate one, JJ ate one, The Shadow ate one, The Hubby ate two and the visitors ate the last 7. Holy crow, do they not feed these kids at home?

By then it was late and I could tell the younger boys were getting tired, so I told them to stay in the house and get cleaned up. JJ & G took a bath together and S, who was too cool for everything, insisted on his own shower. We got that done & I took out the sleeper from our new sofa. S insisted that he would sleep on the floor because "Sleeping with boys in a bed is gay" *GRRGH*

JJ & G were tired from playing so hard, they were sleepy eyed by 8, but S insisted that he "stays up all night" at home. I told him this wasn't home. I didn't care if he wanted to watch TV, but he needed to turn off the lights and leave the younger boys alone. I went to bed at about 9:30 and S says "I'm the watchman. I stay up all night and look out the windows. You don't have anything to worry about unless I scream". Which actually meant "I'm scared & I'll be peeping outside with every little noise while my 6 year old brother sleeps". I told him "This is our home. I don't worry about every little noise. And if you do, you will be getting no sleep. People are outside our home at all hours. They bring the cows to the barn for milking. The milk truck picks up the milk. A feed truck may deliver feed. All of this in the middle of the night. Go to bed and don't worry about it."

I don't think he slept a wink.

The final straw was when JJ woke me up at 6:30 am saying the S woke them up and G was crying because S wanted to wrestle and G didn't.

I walked into that living room and I told him that he wasn't too big for me to bend him over my knee and spank his behind. Leave the boys ALONE. They were so tired & cranky. I made them a pound of bacon & doubled the Bisquick recipe for pancakes (and again, had no left overs) and packed their shit and ~~threw them out~~ told The Hubby to take them home. I will NEVER do that again. No siblings allowed.

If this is what I am in for with my boys, I am totally screwed.

Bye-Bye Sweet Baby Boy

2006-04-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

Today was haircut day at the Hay House. Both boys desperately needed a haircut. I guess I didn't realize how long JJ's hair was until I saw this picture. What a scruffy guy!
He's so handsome now!

It was The Shadow's first haircut. I just love his curls, I was so sad to see them go. He was a trooper. There were tears, but he didn't fight it too much. He was pleased as punch to get the sucker at the end of it all. Gone is my baby. Introducing my second little boy. *SNIFF*

Before, with curls & after, all grown up.

Ok. So I am trying to deal with all of that. He has just done so much changing in the last week. We are now weaned. Yep. This milk factory has officially closed up shop for now. I am so thrilled to have my body back, I can't tell you. I do miss that snuggle time in the evening, but I'll get over it.

No big Easter plans, just hunting eggs with the boys and dropping in on the outlaws, er, inlaws & my parents. Hope the Easter Bunny is kind to you & yours.

Nursery Pictures

2006-04-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Pictures of the nursery. I remember distinctly trying to find something *neutral* to use because I didn't know if I was having a boy or a girl. Do you know how hard that was? I knew more of what I didn't want, i.e. any kind of character or theme, per say, no pastels, etc. etc. All of the bedding they had out at that time was crap and expensive!! The fabric was thin and it just wasn't well made. I found one that I loved at a baby specialty store, only to see that it cost $1000!!! That was more than my crib cost. How could I justify that?

So, I guilted my mom into making the crib set for me. I searched high & low for some fabric that I loved. I ended up with 3 chintz prints from Waverly. They had a good combination of all of the colors I was looking for. One was a stripe, one was a dot and one was a floral. It wasn't cheap, I think the fabric alone was $250, but it was good fabric that I knew would last. I took the fabric to Home Depot and had them color match paint to it. I painted the walls yellow, the trim green and the ceiling blue. I added clouds to the ceiling with watered down white paint.

My mom, let's call her The Crafty One, made me that adorable window shelf. She painted an old window green, made a curtain and attached it with a curtain rod. Made a shelf using pieces of wood and pickets. It hangs over my changing table/dresser and it works perfect to hold all of those little bottles you end up with in the nursery.

Here is the picket fence that I put in. It looked just like this when I bought it, but it was bare wood. I white washed it and then attached it to the wall. I use it to hang all of the boy's hats on. It works perfect.

I had a hard time getting a picture of the clouds on the ceiling. The glare from the ceiling fan was making it darn near impossible, so I could only get the corners. This is a pic of the striped fabric that we used.

Holy Pee-Pee, Batman!!

2006-04-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

BIG things happening in the Hay house.

Let's start at the beginning. The Shadow loves to hang around in the bathroom while I'm getting ready in the morning. He loves to pull all of the brushes out and comb his hair. He likes to try to eat my Burt's Bees Marshmallow Face Cream and run away with my make up.

Anyway, the other day I could see him making a poo-poo face. I asked him if he was going poo and he nodded yes and backed up to the toilet like he was going to hop on and take a dump. Hmph, I thought. Maybe I should take this a step further.

So, I went to Hell-Mart in search of one of those little rings you put on the regular toilet seat. Our bathroom is so small, we don't have room for the baby to have his own throne. I found one and brought it home.

Last night at bath time, I got him undressed and asked him if he would like to go pee-pee. He nodded yes and I stuck him on the throne with his new seat, complete with pee deflector (genius!). And do you know what he did? HE PEED. ON THE TOILET.

HOLY SHIT!!!

I think I scared him, what with the happy dance and all. We clapped, we giggled. JJ rolled his eyes. "What's the big deal?" he says. I assure him that I did the same happy dance when he peed on the toilet the first time and I would be happy to do it for him again if he would QUIT PISSING ON THE SEAT.

Ceremonious phone calls to daddy & the grandparents ensued. A happy night for all. I am so proud of him. I mean, what 16 month old pees in the toilet the first time you set him on there? Just like an old pro? Yours? Well give me my few minutes of glory here and shut up.

Here we go. I am hopping on this potty training ride. We'll see where this takes us. I just don't want to let it pass us by.

Parenting, Nature's Way

2006-04-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be away for so long. I have been busy with Dr. appointments and such. Well visits, you know, since my kids are actually WELL for once! Happy to report that tidbit.

We have a new visitors at our house. It's two cute little birds that have decided that our farm would be a nice place to live. I get that. Only the wife bird decided that our driveway would be a great place to lay these .

Right where I back out of the garage. I don't know how I have not smashed these eggs into a million pieces with my monstrous SUV. Yet somehow they were spared. We noticed these birds would get into a bit of a tizzy whenever we were getting ready to leave. One would strut around and make all kinds of noise, the other fly around over us. My hubby decided that they must have a nest nearby. He peeked out the window the next morning and saw one of them sitting in the middle of the driveway, so he went out later and found the eggs.

This must be a lazy husband bird. Did you get a look at that nest? Hardly any leaves or twigs for cushion. Surely he could have found something better to build a home.

We have been having a bunch of strange weather the last few weeks. Lots of rain, hail, wind. And yet these bird take turns sitting in the middle of a gravel driveway through it all and protect their babies. No shade. No protection from the elements.

Can you imagine? How many of us humans would brave those elements to protect our unborn children? Amazing.

We marked the spot in the driveway with a landscaping stake so that I don't kill the eggs. Hopefully they will have 4 healthy babies here soon and remember next time to lay those eggs where there is a little less SUV traffic.

Reminiscent Ramblings

2006-03-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

I just got a package with the boy's Easter outfits. They are so darn cute. Way cuter in person. Now I must find navy sandals. And pray that it is warm enough for them to wear shorts & sandals on Easter. The upcoming holiday brings so much to my mind.

I realized this morning that it has been a while since I have called my Grandma. I am so lucky to have this woman in my life. I love her to pieces. I wish she would move here so I could be with her more. Selfish, I KNOW. But I miss spending time with her.

I come from a very tight knit Dutch family. My grandpa immigrated here from Holland when he was 19. My grandma with her family when she was 2. They both settled in the LA area. Grandpa & his brother started a dairy together in Buena Park, on what is now the 91 freeway. He made very smart business moves and sold his dairy for a nice profit and he retired when he was in his early 40's. He bought property & became a financier of other people. But he was Dutch which, if you know means he was tight with his money. I never realized how that they had a dime until I got older and was in banking. I mean, they always had a nice house and decent cars, but I always felt like they watched their pennies. I remember fondly the days of going to the dime store in Bellflower with my grandma and getting to buy a 10-cent coloring book and having to hide it from my grandpa. Like he would have cared if she spent 10 cents on us. But it was our little game.

Growing up we were very close to all of our extended family. I thought this was the way that everyone was. Little did I know that was not the norm. We would have every holiday with my great grandmother and all of her children and their children and so on and so on. Every Sunday we went to church and then went to great grandma's for tea & koeka. My grandma spent the majority of her life catering to my great grandma's every whim. Great Grandma never drove and so she relied on my grandma for everything. I remember going to Great Grandma's house on the weekend & taking her grocery shopping. Then we would go to her house and my grandma would set her hair in curls. I can still smell the Dippity-do today. I would clean her African Violet plant leaves with rubbing alcohol (to kill the mite, you know) and dust all of the bird figurines she had around the house.

I loved those weekends.

When my parents decided to up and move to the Central Valley, it shattered my little world. I was 13. I was in 8th grade at a private school. I had gone to school with the same 30 kids for 9 years. The thought of moving to farmer hick town and away from the beach made me nauseous.
Grandma to the rescue.

I had the pleasure of living with my grandparents for most of my 8th grade year. I know I didn't appreciate it at the time, but when I look back, what a wonderful experience it was for me. It forged a bond between us that my brother and my cousins will never understand. I picked up on Friese (the dialect spoken in the part of Holland they are from). I learned how to cook her specialties. You know, some kind of meat with gravy, boiled potatoes, string beans & bread. Everything with a hint of nutmeg. We Dutch people love our nutmeg. We would have tea in the afternoon when I got home from school & in the evening before we went to bed. We would go to the Dutch store and buy zout droppes and katjes by the dozen (mmmm...black licorice). Jerry the Baaker would come by the house once a week to deliver bread & cookies from the Dutch bakery. I can still see the back of that truck with all of it's wooden drawers. So cool.

Church was so important. We were very involved in the Reformed Church. Sunday we spent all day there. I taught children's church. I worked in the nursery. I went to Sunday School & then a church service. My grandpa did the sound at the night service, so back we went. It was a fantastic church.

Things changed so much when we moved. Everything was smaller. Everyone was clique-ish. If you were Dutch, well that must have meant you were rich and your parents owned a dairy. Not mine! My dad didn't want to go into the dairy business. He is still kicking himself in the ass for that all these years later. He is a diesel mechanic. He is one of the best in the business. But he works hard and you can only do that for so long. What he wouldn't give to be able to have a dairyman's life now.

Growing up I often questioned my Dutch heritage. Could it be true? I didn't have blond hair & blue eyes, yet I was 100% Dutch. I had one of those long Vander names. My mom's maiden name started that way too. I somehow felt like I never fit the Dutch profile. California Dutch was all I knew, and our family didn't fit in. I mean, we always had a nice place to live, filled with Delft and all of the reminders of our heritage. I went to a school founded by Dutch people. I went to a church founded by Dutch people. I guess it was assumed that I would carry on the tradition of Dutchness.

Then I met my future husband. And he was Portuguese. And he was Catholic. OMG, you would have thought the world was coming to an end the way my parents reacted. Through it all, my grandparents remained close to me and never judged me. They trusted my decision and wanted me to be happy.

I did convert to Catholisim. I went through the classes with a wonderful priest who explained a lot of myths that I had been taught about the Catholic church. I can't say that I agree with all of their teachings & practices, but I want my children growing up with parents who are on the same page when it comes to their religion. We all believe in the same God. I'm cool with that.

My relationship with my parents has weathered many a storm. We are in a good place now. I wish they would quit dropping the not-so-subtle hints about coming back to their church. I have no interest in doing it. I don't care who is driving what or who is wearing what. I go to church to pray & worship God. I can't be sucked back into that culture again. I don't want to go to church and play Dutch Bingo (our own little version of 6 Degrees of Separation).

I am proud that The Hubby and I come from families that have roots & traditions for our children to carry on. I am also proud that we are big enough people to be tolerant of other point of views. I hope we can pass that along to our boys.

I love my two little Dutchaguese babies. I hope they never feel like they don't fit in. They will always be precious to us.

And I am calling Grandma right now to tell her how much I love her.

Did You Hear That???

2006-03-28T16:32:00.000-08:00

It was the sound of my head exploding. You see, I have but one simple request. I want to set up a new blog for my hobby. I want it to be pretty. I don't want it to be cookie cutter like this one. And Blogger is totally fucking with me!!!!! I am about to go crazy over here. AAAHHHHH!!!!!!! It's not good for my blood pressure to be sitting here holding in all of the goddamnmotherfuckerpieceofshitwebpage just load already when all I want to do is jump up and down on my computer!!!!!!!

OK, breathe.....

I guess I should know that this is way beyond my pre-K HTML skills. I totally suck at this. Any recommendations for a decent template? I have found a great website that gave me the secret geek codes and is helping out, but damn this Blogger site for not loading properly and then losing all my updates. I'm furious with you!! I'm going to give you a time out mister!!!

I need to get a life.

Kids are all well, thank you for asking. I am over here knocking on wood. Sure as shit they are going to be sick again just because I said that. My monthly visitor came and went and only brought one migraine this time. So, that's better. I think that's about it.

It's late. I don't have any brain matter left, what with all of the head exploding and such. I shall be back in the morning after I regroup.

Hobbies

2006-03-27T11:07:00.000-08:00

I realized that I have never posted here about what I like to do in my "spare time". I guess it's because I have so little of it.

I love to be creative & crafty. I am in love with party planning. It's a hobby that I would love to turn into a full time business. Maybe someday when health insurance for the self employed does not equal a mortgage payment on a nice house in the suburbs. Hmph. Someday.

While not scouring the web for new ideas, I also love to make mommy bracelets. Beautiful, sparkling, mommy bracelets. I love doing it. I love how excited the mom's get when they see them for the first time. I love that I can make something for them that has their babies name on it that they will cherish and wear with pride.

I posted about it on a mommy board I am on and have had orders from there. I am trying to decide what my next step will be. Should I start a website? Should I sell them on Ebay? I didn't have a name for them until my friend suggested "Hay Lady Originals" I thought that was cute. Any ideas??

Hmmmm...what to do. What to do....

Some pics of them in the meantime. Once again, forgive the shitty camera.

Spring Has Sprung

2006-03-24T10:43:00.000-08:00

It's a beautiful 70 degrees in the Central Valley of CA. I love spring. We rarely see it here. It's usually 35 degrees one week and 90 degrees the next. SUCKS!!

All of this nice sunshine is making everything come into bloom. Flowers look lovely. Trees are so pretty.

Except for one.

There are these trees that everyone seems to plant here. I should have taken a picture of it, but I forgot. They are pretty, I will admit. But when they bloom that pretty little white flower, they smell like ass. Rotten Ass. So bad that I throw up a little in my mouth when I get a wiff.

Yesterday I was meeting a friend for lunch. We decided to go to Panda Express. We have a new one in town that is really good and I had an orange chicken craving. We got our piping hot yummy meal and decide to sit outside and enjoy the weather. Excpet, when we go out to the pagoda to eat, what are planted all around? The Rotten Ass Trees. I had to rush in before I spewed. Who would do that? Why would they plant those stinky nasty trees where people have to eat?

Ick. I shudder even thinking about it.

Today my friend Jodi from Canada called me. It's the first time we have actually talked on the phone. She sounds just like I thought she would. I stepped outside my office building to chat with her and I had to tell her to hold on a minute while a cropduster flew over my head. Yes, an airplane flew directly above me at about 200 feet altitude. I was serious.

It's so fun to live in the country.

So, JJ has been home all week with the stomach flu. Today he felt better, but still has a bit of a poo problem, so I didn't want to risk him having an accident at school. I am still meeting with my BF tomorrow for lunch. JJ might have to miss it, but we'll see how he feels in the morning. The Shadow is back to his old self. Such a cutie pie!! Hopefully this is the end of the sickies for a while and we can get back to normal, whatever that is.

Hope you all have a good weekend!!

Tag, You're It

2006-03-21T09:37:00.000-08:00

We are now playing flu tag at The Hay house. Want to come and play?

No???

Darn.

The Shadow ate his first real meal in days last night. Seems we have turned the corner. JJ woke up this morning at 5 am moaning & groaning that his tummy hurt. "Ow. Ow. Owwwwiiieeee" is all that I heard. He is quite the Drama King when he is sick. I suppose that's good. You always know what's coming. You don't get that surprise puke all over you. He makes it to the bathroom every time. What a good boy he is.

So now, he is at Va-va's with his favorite camo blankee and his red puke bowl. I hate to see my kids sick. Although I must say, I am so relieved that this one does not rely on mom's boobs for comfort.

I guess we shall wait and see when my turn rolls around. My bets are on this weekend. The one weekend that I have planned to take the kids and meet my best friend and her son for lunch. That's about the way things roll at my house.

Update to the Update

2006-03-20T15:45:00.000-08:00

My son has the roto-virus aka: THE FLU!!!!!

Hubby has a sore jaw and is $80 poorer for the unnecessary office visit.

Carry on then.

Update

2006-03-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

My Husband has now guilted me into taking The Shadow to the Dr.

He called me and gave me a line of crap about how he is not eating..blah..blah...blah....if he has to go in the hospital for dehydration how mad he will be....blah...blah...blah.

Pray that my baby will be OK and that I can refrain from punching the Hubby in the jaw when the Dr tells us "IT'S JUST THE FLU!!!!!"

We are going in at 2:15.

Issues, people.

2006-03-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

We got us some issues.

Sorry to be away for so long. I should have known how my weekend was going to go by the way Thursday turned out. About 1:30, I received a phone call from the Vice-Principal of JJ's school. It seems JJ was misbehaving in class and got sent to the office. He would have to spend his recess there the next day. He then asked me if I would like to speak to JJ. I told him no, for this, in my mind, required a plan from the Hubby & I. Besides, I thought JJ needed to sweat it out a bit on the bus ride home.

I called Hubby and immediately burst into tears. I don't know why. We were furious together and we devised a plan in which JJ will become Hubby's shadow for the next week. No bike, no video games, bed at 8, earlier if needed. He immediately burst into tears upon seeing his daddy waiting for him. He knew he was busted.

I got home from work and I wanted to talk to him about it. He thought he was done chatting about it, so my insistence on opening that wound again was met with much resistance. I asked him what the proper thing to do was when we had misbehaved. He said "Say you're sorry." Now I could just imagine how this would come across (I'm SORRY, GOSH!) if I had allowed him to just say it to his teacher. So, I told him we were going to write a apology note. I would write what he thought was appropriate and then he would copy it.

It was a good idea, I thought. It was torture for him. I think he would have liked having his eyes poked with hot sticks a little more than me coaching him as to what a proper apology says. It took him over an hour to write 5 lines, what with all of the crying and whining. The hands over the ears and the begging "Just write it, mommy, PLEASE!!!!". Why was I enjoying this so???

Anywho..

My poor little Shadow has been sick since Friday morning. Thursday evening he wasn't himself. Whining, fussy and wouldn't eat anything. He did manage to get a bottle down and went to sleep in his crib. I was so excited when I heard him cry for the first time and it was 4:30 am. What a good boy, I said to him as I went to rescue him. He repayed me by puking his lunch from the previous day all over me. Nice.

Change him, clean him up. Change me, clean me up. Hop back into bed for a couple more zzzz's. I sent him to my MIL so that I could head off to work. I was having a new gigantic copy machine delivered after waiting impatiently for a month and I needed to get it networked & run some weekend reports. I had planned on being there for no more than 2 hours. Silly me. At 2 p.m. I realized I needed to leave to go pick up JJ from school so that I could find out from the teacher what exactly happened.

Turns out she sent a bunch of kids to the office because "we are really cracking down so that they learn to behave in 1st grade". Now I'm pissed. This did all come as a shock to me since last week was Parent teacher conferences if needed and we didn't have to go in and he got a great report card. I am not in any way condoning my child misbehaving. I am, however, a bit peeved at the idea that what was perfectly acceptable behavior to her last week now validates being sent to the office. WTH? Why wasn't there a status quo for behavior set from day one? I am just irritated by all of this. Plus that little shit I have written about before has been instigating JJ to do things he shouldn't. I'm furious. I want to tell his mother to keep her kid AWAY from mine. This kid is such a brat. And LIE...OMG I have never seen a kid who could lie so much. It's crazy. I am back to begging the nun to let him into a bulging 1st grade at the Catholic school so I can get him away from all of this craziness.

We got home and The Shadow was so sick. He wouldn't eat a thing and kept wanting to nurse. It was the only thing he could keep down, how could I deny him that? So I spent most of my weekend cleaning up puke, washing and nursing a crabby baby. He seems to be himself this morning, finally. I'm glad, since it gets my MIL and Hubby off my back. They have been telling me "He looks like he lost weight." I get so damn irritated with them. Is he eating? Not much, but he is nursing. He is drinking water. He is having wet & dirty diapers. IT'S THE FLU...HE'LL GET OVER IT!!!!

They are such Dr lovers.

Sniffle??? Run to the Dr.
Slight Fever? Run to the Dr.
What...was that a cough I heard??? Better call the Dr.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

We were not a Dr family. We rarely went when we were little. I would like to think it was because we were so healthy. We were. That, and my parents were self employed. Money was tight. We had to be bleeding from more than one orifice before we went to the Dr. I walked around with a broken wrist for 2 days before my Grandma convinced my mom to take me to the Dr. That's just how we were. My Hubbys family are a bunch of hypochondriacs. They go to the Dr for everything. Makes me crazy!!!

So, let's just pray that JJ has a good day at school. We went over the "Yes ma'am, No ma'am" way to speak to adults and the criss-cross applesauce for sitting on the floor and keeping your hands to yourself. Hope it works. And I hope The Shadow is feeling as well this evening as he was this morning.

Someone Stole My Husband

2006-03-15T10:11:00.000-08:00

If you see them, could you thank them for me?

I am loving the upgraded model that was left in his place.

This one washed his own dishes last night. Without being asked.

He also washed his own clothes. Without being asked.

He folded the clean laundry that was in the dryer. Without being asked.

He got up at 3 am and got a bottle for The Shadow. Without being asked.

He was pleasant and happy this morning even though The Shadow had a rough night. Without complaining a bit.

I love this new husband.

You can't have him back.

I plan on showing him my gratitude. Often. Without being asked.

One of My Greatest Achievements To Date

2006-03-14T14:21:00.000-08:00

41 entries without talking about what an idiot my mother in law is. Wow. It's all over now. I'm openin that can of worms today. Grab a drink & some popcorn & put your feet up. It's gonna get long and ugly.

If you read this blog at all, you may think that she is a *wonderful* person who helps me so much with my boys that I should quit being such an ungrateful bitch and enjoy what I have.

Oh, you poor blind soul, you.

Let's start at the beginning.

The dairy farm that we own once belonged to The Hubby's maternal grandfather. He was a wonderful man who, unfortunately for him, had 3 daughters and no sons. All of his daughters made very poor choices for husbands. My MIL is the oldest. She found a man that would marry her who just saw what her daddy had and figured he could get his hands on it fairly easy. So, daddy moves a house onto the dairy and the family begins. Only his new son in law is a lazy piece of shit who thinks that "work" is sitting in your pickup directing everyone else on how to do everything. Along comes The Hubby. A new worker for the dairy. When he was 4, his sister was born. At 5, he began his career as a farmer. Not just a kid with chores, he really worked. All the while his "dad" is loving that he has another slave to yell at. Meanwhile, his mother spits out another child (girl)with the jackass who has now started to beat his children and belittle his wife, spends every night out drinking with his friends, screwing god-knows-what and playing high roller. Finally, Hubby grew up and grew taller and threatened to kill him and he left. And it was good.

Except...

The MIL was still seeing him. Not just seeing him, fucking him. And being the good Catholic* that she was...well, you know, no birth control...so guess what? Hubby has a brother that is 14 years younger than him and must have inherited all of his father's genes because he is the laziest slug on the planet. So. Now there she is. Living on her dad's place with 4 kids and no husband and never had a job.

Her mother was physically handicapped near the end of her life and so my MIL was her caretaker. That was her job. And she kept the books for the dairy. Her dad was getting older and he could no longer keep up with all of the work, so he rented out the place to someone else. There were still a few cows on the place and 240 acres to farm, and my Hubby, at the age of 14, did all of the work.

Hubby and I met by chance when I was 16 and he was 18 in 1990. It was love at first sight for both of us. Seriously. I never dated anyone after I met him. I was smitten and so was he.

When I first met my MIL, I really liked her. She was a likeable person. She took care of her mother & father and it was all good.

Then her mother & father both die within a month of each other. And here come the sisters for their inheritance. Only, when the will is read, they are the ones who wish they were dead. For, instead of splitting things equally 3 ways, he gave 20 acres to one daughter, 80 to the other, 360 to MIL and what made them furious was 20 acres to my Hubby.

The sisters pitch a fit. Spewing ugly, hateful things to MIL. Instead of telling them to fuck off like she should have, she feels all Catholic again and lets them guilt her into paying all of the estate taxes and accountant bills. To the tune of $250,000. And MIL ate that shit politely with a knife & fork.

suffice to say, money is tight. She gets suckered by a slimeball banker into selling something that she didn't know was securing a loan on the place and almost lost it all. We squeaked by that. Then it came time to figure out what we were going to do for actual money. You know, so we could eat and all. We had 2 choices. Choice #1 - We could sell the place as is, get maybe $500K for it and be on our merry way. Except, wait, $500K? MIL couldn't live off of that for the rest of her life. God Forbid she get an actual job. Choice #2 - completely remodel the place, go into debt for $1,000,000 and hope like hell we could pay that off in, say, 20 years with the rent we would be getting from our nice new place. Then we could have a 20 year old place and maybe put our own cows on it. Huzzah!! A winner!!

So, in debt we did go. It was so tight for so long. Every year we kept hearing "It will get better". I fell for it. I fell for it hook, line & sinker. I always stayed out of it their business. I had a good job and I could support us for a while. No problem that Hubby didn't get a paycheck. We were working toward our future. Every summer when I would see him out there toiling in the 100 degree sun on a tractor with no cab while his siblings sat in the air conditioned house on their lazy asses, I would remind myself "We are working toward our future." And working. And working. For nothing. No spending money. Nothing. Why? I was a good wage earner, don't you know?? While my MIL sat on her ass everyday at home watching soap operas & Montel, catering to her children's every whim. Cleaning...what's that??? Not a common word in that house.

So, we delayed getting married and having children so that we could be in a better place financially. I could see this was an exercise in futility. Finally, I put my foot down, after 9 years together, 7 of them living in sin, and told Hubby that I was setting a wedding date and that was that. So we were married in 1999. After we were married, I would come home from work and discover things missing from my house. Food & staple item things. Like peanut butter. Not just a bit of peanut butter, but the whole jar. And toilet paper. I thought I might be losing my mind, so I asked the Hubby what was going on??? Apparently, my MIL thought my house was much more a convenient shopping destination than, say, going to the grocery store herself. So she would "borrow" what she needed. Only, where I came from, if you borrow something, you bring it back as is or better. We had to have a serious talk about that to fix it. Did she think I kept 3 packs of toilet paper in a house with 2 people living in it because I was a freak like that? No. We do that because we live 6 miles from anything that remotely resembles a store and toilet paper was something that we kind of liked using and didn't want to run out of.

All the while my MIL is begging for grandchildren. Talking this and that about how excited she was to have grandchildren to take care of every day. Here I am telling DH that she will have zero grandchildren until she starts kicking down a paycheck for him. Well, God didn't like that statement too much and He allowed me to get knocked up with JJ while on the pill. She was so happy. She went on and on about taking care of the new baby while I worked. It took everything in me not to tell her "How about I take care of my own damn baby and you go get a JOB, bitch???" but I held my tongue.

In the mean time she finds a new boyfriend. A boyfriend with a job. Wow, what a novel concept. We thought it fantastic. So silly, we are, to think my MIL would have good judgment in picking men. 2 months after they meet, he has a "heart attack". I still think it was an anxiety attack, but it was bad enough for him not to have to work anymore and get on disability. Imagine that? The perfect match. He could sit around all day and smoke cigs and fill his diabetes ridden body with Mountain Dew while she catered to him. Life was good.

Then my baby was born. She had the balls to tell me that she wanted to take my new baby to her idiot boyfriends house all day. Um, no. No, you may not take my baby to a house full of cigarette smoke and idiots. You may stay in your own home where my baby daddy can look in on him as needed. She didn't like that and choose to take care of the idiot instead. I swallowed that pill and paid for daycare, more for my peace of mind than anything else. Praying every day that the idiot would just die already. I mean, who can live like that, smoking 3 packs a day and having nothing but Mountain Dew flowing through your body???

Fast forward to the impending birth of child #2. Idiot boyfriend is now living in her house because he lost his. No smoking inside, thank goodness. I mention I will have to get in touch with Maria, our old baby sitter, to see if she can watch The Shadow. MIL insists that she wants to watch him everyday. We hash it out and settle on a schedule that she gets him Mon. & Fri., Maria on Tues. & Wed. and my mom on Thursday. JJ is in school now and he gets off the bus at 3:30, so someone will have to be around the dairy at that time, but the Hubby usually is, so no biggie. He can go out to work with his dad. See how nice I am? Trying to give her time to have a life.

All of this rambling has a point, I swear.

So, my MIL watches The Shadow 2 days a week and possibly JJ a couple of hours in the afternoon more often. That, and she is supposed to keep the books for the farm.

I get a phone call at work today from her. Work. Away from home. That I still have to go to because my Hubby still doesn't get a paycheck. Granted, we don't have a mortgage. We don't have utilities or car insurance. But we could still use a paycheck so we could like, eat, have clothing to wear and maybe a car to drive so that she has something to pay the insurance on. Oh, the excess lifestyle we live. Shame on us.

Oh yes, the phone call. She asks if I can do the year end stuff for the accountant tonight on the computer because she just doesn't have time to write it all out since, you know, she is busy with the kids and all. What the fuck? I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Like *I* have all of the time in the world? My children need to be fed a semi-nutritious yet edible dinner. They need baths. You have them 2 days a week. 2 out of 7. And you don't have time.

Oh my God.

I think I might kill her. I called my Hubby and told him so.

In all seriousness, we are taking away the books from her. If she cannot get her shit together to keep up on this once a month instead of trying to cram it all in so we can meet with the accountant, she just needs to give it up. And I am seriously considering "burdening" her with my babies every day. Every day. So then she can know what busy means and she can wish she crunched some numbers once a month. And we are making her go on an allowance. So we can really see where the money is going, since it seems that things have only gotten better for her in all of these years.

And I am so damn mad at her for making me write a post so full of Ands.

*Before all of you Catholics get your panties in a bunch, get over it. I am Catholic too. So don't start with the hate mail. You know what I said is true.

Difficult People

2006-03-14T09:56:00.000-08:00

This weekend was FUN. So much fun that I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could come back to work on Monday. Yes, that much fun.

The Shadow was up all Friday night screaming, drooling, climbing all over me, biting the boob. The sores in his mouth were way worse and the "relief" the Ped suggested sucked. So I called him and he agreed to meet me at his office Saturday morning. I was convinced the kid had Strep or an ear infection or something else wrong with him. For God's sakes....just make him better. Dr K. insisted it was hand, foot & mouth (even though there was nothing wrong with his hands or feet) and there really wasn't much he could do. I think the moment I started crying in his office was when he felt guilty enough to prescribe The Shadow some Tylenol with Codeine. Thank you, thank you!!! I think he did everything he could to get the crazy crying lady and the drooling screaming kid out of his office as fast as he could.

So, I trek over to Hell-mart to get his prescription filled and the lady behind the counter tells me "It will be ready in 20 minutes." Perfect! I'll stick around & shop. On a Saturday. In Hell-mart. What was I thinking??? After 1/2 hour, a cart full of crap I don't need, and ramming said cart into 5,000 people who insist on taking up the whole fucking aisle just to annoy the shit out of me, I go to pick up the prescription and she tells me "It's not ready yet. It will be another 1/2 hour or so." This was about the time that daggers shot out of my eyes and dropped her dead on the floor and I let my son drool his disease all over her rotting corpse.

Ok, so not really. I clenched my teeth and told her that is what she said 1/2 hour ago. I have a sick baby and want to get him home. And no, I can't wait at home. I live 1/2 hour from here you bitch and where I wait is none of your business. Just give me the meds so I can get the hell out of this disgusting store. And I got me some meds. Luckily an armed escort out of the store was not included.

Once we got to the car, I busted open that bottle of meds like a crack addict who had just found a stash and was about to get their fix. The Shadow was so sick, he actually drank the crap down in one gulp. It smelled so bad, I thought for sure it was coming back up. Nope. He slept the whole way home. My first bad mother instinct was to reach back there and wake him up. How dare he sleep without me when he kept me up all night? We got home & took a nice nap together.

Just as I was praising the power of the codeine, my Hubby had to go and burst my bubble. "You know, he is going to be constipated from that." What do you know, I thought?? And he was right. Man, I hate that. The better part of Sunday was getting The Shadow to eat anything and drink something that might "loosen him up" so that what I find in his diaper will not resemble something a rabbit would leave behind.

And if I hear one more joke about "Hoof & Mouth Disease" I am going to kick someone in the nuts. It's "Hand, Foot & Mouth" you jack asses. You don't get it from the farm.

We also had a nice family chat with JJ about the behavior report from school. Every week we get this behavior report and the last few have not been good. It's not that he is really bad, but he needs to learn what is acceptable behavior in a classroom. Most weeks are the same. His behavior needs improvement. Talking when he should have been listening & Not keeping hands & feet to himself are the usual. This week we got a new one. The teacher wrote "Lifting his shirt up on purpose."

Um, OK.

So, I told The Hubby he needed to deal with it. We sat him down and showed him the report. He says "I know, it's not good." "No, it's not" we replied. "Would you like to tell us what this is about?" "I don't know, we all do it." And so on & so forth. We then asked him "What else do you think it says?" and he gets all embarrassed and clams up. I wasn't sure what this was all about (since we were meaning his talking in class) and he says "I KNOW. We shouldn't hit ourselves or point at our penises, GOSH!!" What the????? Where did that some from? Ok, so no, you shouldn't do that either.

I'm not ready for this. All of this boy stuff. How do I deal with that? The other day I saw him playing with his junk while he watched TV. I told him that if he wanted to touch his penis, that was fine, but it needed to be done in private, like in his own room. I don't want to freak the kid out and tell him "Don't do that" and then have him whacking it every second in private because it's something mommy doesn't approve of. I know that is how it would happen, as defiant as he is. I want him to feel comfortable with his own body and explore like all boys do. I think.

Can't they just stay like, 2 years old or something???

I'll Take Vomit With a Side of Mouth Sores for $100 please, Alex...

2006-03-10T15:08:00.000-08:00

The Shadow is SICK. I feel so bad for my little sweetie. He has been running a fever of 103 since yesterday afternoon, threw up all last night, and woke up this morning with sores in his mouth. My poor sweet baby.

He began the barfing at my mom & dad's. I fear that he isn't Grandpa's favorite anymore since he spewed curdled milk all over his recliner. If there is anything in the world that churns my dad's stomach it is someone else's puke. I hope I scrubbed hard enough & used enough Febreeze that he can return to his chair sometime soon. I told him he should be glad he wasn't in the chair when it happened. He replied that I would have had more vomit to clean. At least he is honest.

Have you ever tried to drive 20 miles trying to keep a tupperware bowl under the mouth of a 1 year old? Interesting, to say the least. I also covered my entire back half of the car in towels just in case. We made it home before it returned.

I phoned the Ped. and he said that he has seen no fewer than 100 cases of hand, foot & mouth virus in the last month. Basically, nothing he can do for it. Motrin & Tylenol on a 3 hour rotation and Anbesol for his mouth. The kid is miserable.

We were thinking of making a quick trip to the coast this weekend, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. Not just because of the illness, but because they are predicting a whopper storm. It might *snow* here. Here. It can't snow here. We are in a valley. I think it is like 150 ft above sea level. JJ would be thrilled. I guess we could get out and enjoy it as a family if The Shadow is feeling better.

I'll be sure to post pics if we are blessed with the white stuff. Wish me luck and send healing vibes to my pathetic baby. He's breaking my heart with all of the moaning. :(

There's Good News & There's Bad News...

2006-03-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

First, the good news...

Good news #1 - My best friend is pregnant!!! Yippee!!! She has a little boy who will be 3 in July and she had a miscarriage while I was pg with The Shadow. They have been trying ever since and are finally successful. She was in such denial that she was actually pregnant that she just went to the Dr. She is due Sep 20th. Please send good thoughts her way. She is out of the "scary" time (1st 12 weeks) so that is good. I can't wait to find out what she is having. Is it wrong of me to be secretly dying for her to have a daughter and wishing that my ungrateful brother & sister in law have a boy? I know, it is, but still...

Good news #2 - We finally have a weekend picked for "Girls only"! It's Mother's Day weekend. Before you go all "shame on you for wanting to be away from your kids on Mother's Day" I'll be home that evening, oh and Bite Me. I deserve to have 2 nights of uninterrupted sleep. I deserve to go and spend time at the spa with my buddies. I deserve to eat like a pig and have 3 hour dinners that don't involve Cheerios and 3 trips to the bathroom. I am so damn excited I could just about pee myself. I know it is a long ways away. I am, however, counting down the days. I meant to tell you about this a couple of weeks ago but, you know, the mushy mommy brain thing prevented me from doing the duty.

Bad news #1- The boys are sick. I had to pick up JJ from school yesterday. He is running a fever and has no other symptoms, he is just really tired, achy & sleepy. I just got a call from my mom who is watching The Shadow today and he has a fever as well. Lovely. Let's just hope this doesn't turn into a pukefest this weekend.

Bad news #2 - I am fat. The hubby doesn't think so, but well, that's because he is fat too. I am now officially on a diet. Ugh. I gave up Pepsi for Lent, so I figure I might as well be totally miserable all at once, right? I just have to get some weight off before the girls weekend if I want to show even my really good friends this hideous body in a bathing suit. Now all of my new jeans I bought before Christmas are getting tight and I can't have that!! I have been so lazy. I lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some from nursing The Shadow. Now that he is almost weaned, it is slowly creeping back on. Dang it. You mean my choice is to milk myself like a cow twice a day and let the Hoover attach himself when I get home or I have to go on a real diet? Aren't those sucky choices.

Is This What I Have Become??

2006-03-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

Something happens to you when you have children. OK, lot's of things happen to you, but more specifically, something happens to your brain.

People who don't have children hear us mommies talk about "Mommy Brain" all the time and they just don't get it. Even though they think they are sly, we see them over there rolling their eyes and snickering to themselves. We may not remember all, but we see all!!!

It's happened to me and it's scary. I don't know if it was such a gradual process that I didn't notice or if it is just hitting me all at once, but I can't remember jack shit anymore. It's like my brain is just a bowl of oatmeal that I spoon feed to everyone I meet.

I'm going a bit insane over here, thank you very much. This whole walking-into-a-room-for-what??? And going to the grocery store and forgetting to buy the main thing I needed but still ending up with a cart full? I swear, I can't go anywhere without a list. What is happening to me???

I have so many good blog topics that hit me various times of the day (all why I am away from my computer, of course) and then I sit down here, log into the dashboard and I am BLANK. BLANK, I tell you.

Maybe I don't want a third child. I fear if I lose anymore of the little brain mush I have left, I might not be able to function at all and the kids will have to take care of me and wipe the drool from my mouth as I stare into space. They will put my hair in 2 ponytails, one on each side of my head, one up high & one down low. They'll dress me in some loudly colored clothes that don't match.

People will come up and ask "What's wrong with her??" and they will say "She had children" and I will get the sympathetic stare and then, and only then, will I notice all of the other mommies looking just like me!

Lord help me.

Eye Spy

2006-03-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

Great news. I figured out the parental controls on the cable. Not such an easy task. So our living room is MA-free for now.

On to bigger and better things...

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Have you ever looked into the eyes of your children? What I see when I do is amazing and scary all at once.

JJ has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. When he was born, they were a beautiful blue. We were sure they would change to hazel or brown like ours, but they haven't. They are a gorgeous blue-green. They sparkle when he is excited or ornery. They are so animated, bright & beautiful. I fear they will lead to the melting of many a girls heart in the future. When I look into those telling eyes, I see a world of wild & excitement. I see the willingness to take chances and test the limits. I see a fearless leader in the making. I see a boy who, even though he hates to admit it, is still deep down, madly in love with his mommy and has a really hard time adjusting to sharing her with a brother. It's been a slow road, but we are getting through it and seeing the brighter side of things. I see a boy who will be fiercely protective of his siblings. I see a man in his future who is kind, generous, hard working and will love his family unconditionally. I am leery of the where the wild side of him will take him, but all I can do is lead him in the right direction and pray he will be safe.

The Shadow's eyes tell a very different story. They are so dark & mysterious. They are almost black. When I look into his eyes, I see a wise soul. He is so deep and thoughtful, even at his young age. He's very different from his brother. I know they have common traits, stubbornness being the primary one. He just doesn't have that same wild fire in his eyes. He does, however, know how to use those deep eyes to manipulate the hearts of those around him. He can bat those eyes with that handsome smile and you will do what he says. It's also amazing to me that when you tell him something he can look at you like he is really pondering what you just told him. Like you can see the little gears churning in there. Scary for a mom to see that from her 15 month old. I'm used to the care free toddler days, that's what I had with JJ. The Shadow has a new trick where he will squint at you and give you a dirty look...and then crack up laughing. I can't wait to see what else I discover in those mysterious eyes.

Take a few minutes to into your little ones eyes. It's amazing, the things you may see.

Men!

2006-03-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

I just don't get them. Lately I really feel like the Hubby and I are from different planets. I can list a ton of things that attract me to him.

He can be kind. He can be gentle. He can be smart. He can be helpful. He can work like a dog for days on end. He can be really funny. He can be a great dad.

Then he can be such an incredible dumb ass!!!

Take for instance last night. I was busy with the boys. JJ needed to finish his homework and The Shadow needed to be put to sleep. The Hubby is "busy" channel surfing. I walk into the living room and what does he have on the TV??? Some sex show on HBO! OK, so it was probably what most would consider "soft porn" or maybe even a "documentary", but it involved women straddling poles with their tits hanging out. And there he sits. In the living room. Watching something with an MA rating. With our children 1/2 a wall away. IDIOT!! I mean, what are you, a 15 year old boy sneaking his buddy's porn? That's the look he had on his face.

So, I walk in there and see that and give him the "What the Hell???" look and he goes "What? I was just surfing". I can tell you that the channel hadn't changed in 5 minutes. That is not surfing. That is watching. I was right there in the dining room. I'll admit that I was tuning the TV out because he usually has on some snore-inducing military documentary or hunting show.
So I hadn't noticed. But what if JJ would have gotten up from the table?

I was LIVID!!! He acted like I was the idiot and it was no big deal. We had a nice "discussion" in front of the boys, which bothers me even more, and then he stormed off to the bedroom to watch TV in "peace".

Who is this man?? I don't know him. I don't like him. I want to kick his ass up between his shoulder blades so that it will be easier for him to pull his head out of it.

All I know is that I need a break from the Hay House of Never-ending Testosterone real soon. And I am going to write a seething letter to Direct TV about putting stuff like that on at 7pm. So it's an East Coast feed...So what? If there was a woman doing the programming, I would get an East Coast feed of Grey's Anatomy so that I could go to bed at a decent hour.

So now the first thing I have to do when I get home tonight is set the parental control on our TV in the living room. Not for my kids, for my hubby! Gah!

Don't worry, he is too technology impaired to figure out how to turn it off.

Promises of Pictures

2006-03-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

OK. So this blog is currently experiencing technical difficulties. I'm sure they were not caused by user error (quit your snickering over there!!!) I cannot get these pics to show up in the correct order. I'll just have to rearrange my story. Poo.

Is this not the cutest little scraped up noggin?? Luckily he has great hair (thank you, daddy) so that it's not that noticeable in pictures.

Here is a close up. Who knew you could get road rash from tripping in the dirt?

Here is the east wall. See them creeping in from the sides? The hideous blue/green swags covering the equally awkward navy shades? Blech.

The last stop on our tour will be the wall of business. The red wall. Or maybe the purple wall if you ask DH. On the red wall you shall see a collection of mirrors, picture frames, sconces and a couple of Portuguese plates so my Hubby will shut the hell up about not having anything traditional in our house. This is the wall you see when you first walk into out house. It's busy. I know. Organized chaos works for us.

Trying to get these pictures loaded totally made me loose my train of thought. Drats. Hopefully I'll be back in the morning with something interesting to say.

P.S. Notice how I said words like "Drats" And "Poo"??? See??? I am trying to work on the cursing. You know I wanted to say Damn & Shit.

I'm Not Talking About Sleep Anymore

2006-02-28T14:10:00.000-08:00

Dude, I am DONE talking about sleep. The second I post here about The Shadow sleeping well, he turns around and does the complete opposite the next day. I am just looking for a little consistency here, boys!!! I swear I heard him say "Yeah, right lady!!" as I told him sweet dreams last night. So that's it. The last post about sleep here. You'll just have to judge my children's sleep patterns by my overall moodiness. That should be fairly transparent.

The one glimmer of hope that has kept me trudging along this dark & difficult path is that I am getting a girls only weekend really soon!! In May!!! Hooray!!! A testosterone free weekend of shopping & spas. That is about as close to heaven as one can get these days.

My good friend Jodi is coming down from Canada. I am trying to talk sweet Finn into joining the non-stop weekend party....Yoohoo....Finnie....I see you out there. You must visit California and shop and spa with us. You just must!!!! Please, please, please!!!!!!!! Ok. Done groveling! Sarah is going too! Woo woo!!

So, OK. I will pick them up at the airport and from there we shall head to the Hotel Grace. Hotel Grace is a beautiful 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom private home. Located near lots of shopping, 10 miles from the beach. Guests will enter into a warm environment and will be hosted by the sweetest woman in the world, whom shall be referred to as Grandma henceforth. Grandma is a great cook and she loves houseguests. She is a cool chick, I must say. Seeing her race around town in her cute little Cadillac CTS. Which reminds me, maybe I can score her ride for the weekend. Seems to me that we would have much more fun cruising the PCH in a Caddy than my mom-mobile Expedition. Yes, shall turn on the charm for that one. Best of all? The rate is FREE. Free means more money for shopping. Hooray!!!

Once guests have put their bags away, we shall head south on Pacific Coast Highway to Fashion Island. I mean, can there be any better shopping place on earth? It's like our Mecca, you know. Saturday is SPA day. Helllllooooo Glen Ivy...Here we come!!! This shall be followed by another evening of noshing and chatting. I'm sure we will have tons to dish about!

Sunday will depend upon the flight plans, but I was thinking of doing something California like going to have lunch at The Ivy or check out Rodeo drive. Maybe we can hang out in Santa Monica. I don't know, we'll play it by ear.

So the part about this whole weekend I am looking forward to? I bet you thought I was going to say a weekend with no kids, huh??? Well HA!!! I fooled you. The best part is that I will finally get to meet the ladies that I chat with so much but have never actually seen IRL. Yes, you read that right. These are my online friends. Oooooo...Feels so dirty to write that. I just want to hug them. They have got me through so may tough days. They have been there when I needed a bitching post and I can only hope that I have been there for them. I have formed some kind of strange mommy bond with these women that I don't think people really understand. It's too bad. I think these are some of the best friendships I have ever made. Total honesty. And they like me for me. Not because of where I live or what I look like or what I drive. Just cuz we hit it off and continued to chat. We talk pretty much every day now. I just hope that their conversations with me are as meaningful as mine with them.

Look at me, getting all sappy on you.

So, there you have it. The light at the end of my tunnel. If they don't hurry up and pick a weekend, I think I'll go nuts.

Patient I am not!! They already know that! So come on, chicks. Let's go!!!

Another Weekend, Another Facial Injury

2006-02-27T13:17:00.000-08:00

I am happy to report my visitor is gone. When she visits again next month, I am going to request that she leave her friend Mr. Migraine at home.

I had no fewer than 3 migraines last week. The worst one hit me on Friday evening. It was 24 hours of pure hell. It rendered me fairly useless on Saturday. Those are the days that I am so thankful that my mother in law lives next door. She can drive me up a wall, but she helped me so much with the boys. They adore her. All I cared about was staying in a dark place and laying down. Trying to get the gnomes to stop chipping away at my brain.

Yesterday my mom came over to help me put stuff on my freshly painted walls. What a chore that was!! I didn't realize how much stuff I have accumulated over the last year or so that I wanted to display. I think I pretty much have it how I want it. The style is all over the board, but I guess that is my style anyway! Having all of the nice things on the walls made the fact that I need new curtains and shades only all too apparent. My curtains are screaming "I AM SO UGLY. PLEASE REPLACE ME!!!!" every time I look at them. I have to do something about them in a hurry. The blinds are another story. What was I thinking when I bought navy blue blinds to put in that room??? My mom suggested maybe I should paint them. Hmph. Maybe I can. They are an accordion type shade that have a light blocking substance on the back of them. Let's just say they were from my vampire days. The according look is not my fave, but they work well when you live on a dust infested farm. It's super easy to vacuum them clean. I shall look into the paint option if I can't find anything I like in a decent price range.

Does anyone have the distinct pleasure of living in a house that was built before there were "standard" sizes for things? Take windows, for instance. The windows in our house are just a bit bigger than most windows so I have to order special blinds or shades if I want them. The bathroom? I have two separate faucets. One for hot, one for cold. I'm talking the water comes out of different spouts, each on their own side of the sink. I would love for once to be able to have lukewarm water to wash my face without having to stand there with my hand under the water, trying to beat the clock before it gets too darn hot. Do you know how much it is to put in a "normal" faucet? Too expensive to mention. Basically we will need a whole new vanity & sink. Ugh. Depressing.

I think the boys are getting sick AGAIN. The Shadow had a hard time sleeping on Friday & Saturday night, although he made up for it last night by sleeping from 7:30 until 5:00 am! He had another boo-boo on his head this weekend. I don't know what it is about that kid and his head & face. He loves to mess up that precious face. The Hubby took him outside yesterday and he ran away at warp speed across the dirt until he skidded face first in it. He now has a skinned up nose and a huge lump that is all skinned up on his forehead. Poor little thing. He didn't cry. I know it was because he didn't want to come back into the house. He loves to be outside. So he toughed it out. Such a boy. And then he woke up this morning with a runny nose. Fantastic!!!

Jabber Jaws had a pretty good weekend as well. He hasn't been waking in the middle of the night. He was relatively calm this weekend (for him, anyway), so the remedy from the Dr must be working it's magic. We'll see how the behavior reports come back from school this week. The highlight of the weekend for him was when grandpa came to visit yesterday and took him for a bike ride. He loved that! I think I am going to encourage The Hubby to do that in the evening with him once the time changes and we get more daylight. He enjoys it so much and it is a great way to expel some of that excess energy he has.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I am going to post a few pics of the walls when I get a chance. Only if you promise me you will forgive the hideous curtains and blinds.

Oh, and for the record, we missed the Hanukkah Mardi Gras carnival. Maybe next year...

Jabber Jaw-ism

2006-02-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

JJ's new remedy finally arrived from the Herb man last night!!!! I was doing the happy dance as I poured it in his mouth. Let's just pray this is the right thing for him and will help with his overall moodiness.

When I got him out of bed this morning he asked if we could go to "Too-lare" tonight. I said "Sure, we usually go to Tulare on Friday nights to eat." This is how the rest of the conversation went.

JJ: "We need to go to the carnival in Too-lare tonight."
Mom: "Really? Where are they having a carnival? Mommy doesn't know anything about it."
JJ: "Mooooommmmm, you know they are having a Hanukkah carnival"
Mom: "Hmmm...I don't think they have carnivals for Hanukkah."
JJ: "Yesssss, mmmmmoooommmmm, they dooooooo!!! Teacher told me!"
Mom: "Honey, remember when you learned about Hanukkah around Christmas time? People of the Jewish faith celebrate Hanukkah at about the same time that we celebrate Christmas."
JJ: "No, mom. They are celebrating it this weekend. They are having a parade where you throw beads and a carnival!"

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Mom: "Are you talking about Mardi Gras?"
JJ: "Yes, mom. Mardi Gras Hanukkah."

I'm sure that people of the Jewish faith will be so happy to learn that Hanukkah is being confused with Mardi Gras. I tried to explain the difference once again, but he was insistent. It wasn't a battle I was going to win.

I'll just chalk it up to another Jabber Jaw-ism.

Is it Thursday Already???

2006-02-23T16:24:00.000-08:00

Here we go again...

Thirteen More Things About Hay Lady
1. I met my husband when I was 16 and we have been together ever since.
2. I can't cut hair. At All. Not even a buzz cut. I am haircut retarded.
3. I polished off a whole bag of Hershey Kisses with Caramel in the middle this week.
4. I have super strong finger nails that grow like crazy.
5. I love to eat pumpkin seeds. Whole.
6. The beach is my favorite place in the world.
7. I am learning how to sew.
8. I used to be a licensed Emergency Medical Technician.
9. I cannot be a passenger in a car with anyone but my dad. I freak out.
10. I get up every morning at 6:15 and am out the door with the boys by 7:30.
11. I worked at a bank from the ripe old age of 16 until I was 26. It's an achievement that I didn't kill anyone.
12. I am lucky to have a mother who owns a consignment store. It's so fun!
13. I know all of the words to Sublime's "Wrong Way" and I sing along loudly every time I hear it.

And now you know me a little bit better.

How To Let Your Co-workers Know AF is Back

2006-02-22T16:41:00.000-08:00

As I showed my boss something he wanted, he said "Stick it in the fax for me, would ya? Here. I'll give you the number"

So, I go to the fax machine and punch in the numbers and he says "Did you put a cover sheet on that?"

And, drumroll please, here was my response...

"Oh sure. The one I just shit out my ass because I thought you would want it???"

I mean, COME ON!!! The paper went from your hand to mine to the fax machine at your request. How was a cover sheet ever a part of that equation???

I actually said "Shit out my ass" to my boss.

Nice.

He is actually still laughing right now.

Top of the Sucky Chart

2006-02-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

This morning would have to be it.

JJ asked if he could come into bed with me after Hubby left for the gym. And then proceeded to knee me in the back for an hour

AF was cruel to me all night and I think I ruined my new Victoria's Secret PJ's

JJ had a fit because I made him wear a jacket to school (it's 30 degrees F outside!)

The Shadow made a big poopy diaper just as we were getting ready to walk out the door

I spilt my Pepsi all over my jeans in the car. 20 miles from home.

But it's all good.

Know why???

I GOT 7 STRAIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!!!!!

Can you believe it????

I feel so much better. After I get my hair done this afternoon, I'll be a whole new woman!!!

She's Baaaaack!!!

2006-02-21T11:47:00.000-08:00

Oh, the mean Bitch.

After a 2 year vacation, Aunt Flo has returned.

I think I asked for this, no?

I did.

What an idiot.

She brought along with her the cramps, the bloats, and the general mood swings that I'm sure my Hubby missed. And the worst of it. The MIGRAINES! I had all but forgotten about those.

I was struck with one on Sunday afternoon while sitting at my parents house. I was beginning to think I am allergic to something in there. I guess not. I now know why I got a migraine.

Damn hormones.

My sweet mom asked me what she could do for me. I responded (and I was serious!) "What I need right now is a bottle of Excedrin, a hotel room with a huge bed with a down comforter, for 3 nights with room service. That will cure what ails me."

After a hellish ride home, which included me screaming at JJ to "SHUT UP!!! For the love of GOD!!!! SHUT YOUR MOUTH FOR 5 MINUTES!!!" which he did and proceeded to fall asleep (hence the reason he did not want to stop the constant yammering). One of my finer parenting moments, I must say. I got home and tried to do something for the migraine. Nothing worked. I shouldn't have taken Excedrin Migraine, but I did. I had to. I had to do something to make the pounding stop. It didn't.

So I went to bed.

I went to bed and cried my eyes out. I cried because I think I am failing JJ. I just can't get that kid to behave. I don't know what is wrong with him. He is so damn hard headed. If you say black, he will say white. Even though he knows you are right, he will not relent. I have tried the reverse psychology. I have tried thousands of things. I just don't know what to do.

Have you ever watched one of those TV talk shows where the parents are talking about how their kids are out of control and they don't know what to do? I remember thinking to myself "God, lady. Control your damn kid. What is the matter with you???" I think I am going down that path. He is not mean. Not at all. We don't have a problem with hitting or anything like that. It's the fits. It's the meltdowns. It's the doing-the-opposite-of-whatever-mom-says thing. Or throwing a fit when he doesn't get what he wants. I just don't know what to do.

It hurts my heart.

I have never known such defiance.

I think God is punishing me. I'm trying to figure out what for. And the list ain't pretty. We have just got to get through this. My sole prayer is not to make this easier on me, I can take it. It's to make his life better so that we don't have to go there.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to take him to the pediatrician. I'm afraid that he will say the words. You know the ones.

ADD

ADHD

Ritalin

I can't do it. I won't do it. I have to figure out a way to get this under control.

That is my mission.

As soon as this stupid Bitch packs her bags and heads home.

It's a Partly Cloudy Day

2006-02-17T11:06:00.000-08:00

Both in my head & outside. Go figure.

I got 5 straight hours of sleep last night. Five hours of finger licken good sleep. Drool inducing, too tired to dream sleep. JJ didn't wake at all and The Shadow only got up at 3:30 to nurse for a few minutes. It seems we are making progress.

Today is a good day.

I am going to take off from work early so that I can make it to the post office to pick up a package from my good friend in Canada (Hi J!!). She was my secret valentine from a group of women I belong to. She tried to be sneaky and send me anonymous emails, but I figured her out with my super sleuth skills. Actually, she said "hey" at the end of a sentence, like every good Canadian should, and gave herself away. I can't wait to see what she got me!!

The farm show, excuse me, World Ag Expo, is over now, so everything is back to calm & quiet in the office. I bitched enough about the temperature that they raised it to a balmy 72 in my office. My hands have finally thawed and I can type again.

It's a 3 day weekend. Woohoo!!! I have a long list of things I plan on doing. The first 15 are sleep.

The Hubby is having a good day and good weekend, too. For this is the week of all things farm. What would it be without a huge auction?? Today & tomorrow he will be doing what he loves to do. Getting the chance to buy all things farm at possibly deep discounts. I can relate. It's kind of like me on Ebay. I feel the joy. I love getting the chance to "win" something. What a rush!!!

The Shadow is amazing me these days. Not to brag (oh, what the hell, I'm going to brag) but he is so stinkin smart! You can ask him yes & no questions and he actually thinks about it and answers it correctly. He knows what he wants and he knows how to make you get it for him without whining & crying and saying Uh, uh like most kids. For instance, yesterday at the babysitters, he would toddle over to the fridge and yell "Mi-mi" (that's what he calls her) and point at it. She asked him(in Portuguese, that's all she speaks) if he wanted milk, and he shook his head no. So she told him to show her what he wanted. As she opened the fridge, he pulled out the bread and said "pao (bread)!". Can you believe it? He's 14 months old for goodness sake. I am so proud!! He also knows how to spot a pretty lady and turn the charm on. As we were walking through the show last week, he saw a beautiful young women with big boobs. She had a sequined shirt on that must have attracted him right to them. And you all know how he loves the boobs. So, he turns around in the stroller and bats his long eyelashes at her and starts yelling "Bye-bye Bye-bye" until she finally talked to him. Then he sat there grinning, all proud of his accomplishment. What a little Don Juan.

You know that the only reason I tolerate them boys waking me up all damn night is because they are so cute.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, O cyber world. I'm going to try to make the best of it!

Thursday Sucks.

2006-02-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

I know, I said I was going to be more positive from now on. Remind me of that after I have slept without my boob in someones mouth.

One of the blogs I read daily always does this, so I thought I would join in the fun.

Thirteen Things about Hay Lady1. I choose this green background simply because it's got a fly. The fly is something I am quite accustomed to, living on the farm & all.
2. I got 4 hours of inconsistent sleep last night.
3. I left the dirty dishes in the sink last night after dinner. They will be staring me in the face when I get home.
4. I only do laundry once a week. We like to call it conquering Mt. Laundrymore.
5. I am trying to talk my grandmother into moving here from the LA area because misery loves company.
6. My office is 65 degrees right now and I am freezing.
7. I won't allow my children to have inside pets because I don't need to be responsible for picking up the mess of another living creature.
8. I take a bath every night. Even if it is just a quick dip, I love me the bath time.
9. I am getting more & more frustrated with LOST. And I don't have time to surf all of the sites on the web about it to try to figure it out.
10. I hate coffee.
11. I am addicted to Pepsi.
12. I drive 400 miles a week and that is just to work & back.
13. I am trying to quit cursing again. It's going about as well as the weaning. At least I have this outlet to do it in and not at home.

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I hope you all are having a better day than me.

Loosing My Mojo

2006-02-15T14:22:00.000-08:00

This new project in the Hay house is sucking the life out of me. Generally, I am a really positive person. I know, you'd never guess that by reading this blog lately, but I swear I am.

I am the one who is telling everyone else to chin up. I am the one who tends to think life is good and we can make it through anything.

Not this week.

Nope. Now I am the one flipping the guy off who cut in front of me this morning. I am the one who told the pimply faced wanna be cop to kiss my ass when he didn't want to let me into the permit-only parking area for which I had a permit for right in my effing dash, Barney Fife!

I'm not quite sure how I am still functioning. I have not had a spurt of sleep longer than 2 hours in 4 days. And I don't have any of that Momma energy that you get right after you have a baby where it is expected that you will be up every hour or two for feedings.

My head feels cloudy.

I am uber-bitchy

I forget what I am doing right in the middle of something.

YYYAAAWWWNNN.

What was I saying again?

That's right. I can't even conjure up a good topic to give you, O Blog World.

Sigh.....

I will try to be more positive from now on. I'll start by listing the good things that happened to me today...

My Hubby got up and made The Shadow a bottle at 5:30 this morning. This is amazing since the only thing my hubby usually makes in the morning is noise.
I didn't have any traffic on my way to work today. There are 3 days of the year that I can have traffic going to work and this is one of them. And I missed it. Thank goodness.
I caught the governor's speech. I think it was something about water. I don't know. Remember the cloudy feeling?
I made a new mommy bracelet for myself, instead of shipping off the good ones to everyone else.
I ate a kick ass tri-tip lunch. Totally worth snaking my way through the crowds & getting my Cole Haans dusty for.
I almost forgot! I didn't nurse this morning. My boobs are killing me, but now we only have a couple more feedings to drop. Woohoo!!
I know exactly what I am making for dinner tonight and I have all of the ingredients at home. No trip to the store.

I guess that's it. Or should I say that is all I can remember.

I am begging, PLEASE GOD!!! let me get some consistent sleep tonight!!!

To Each Their Own

2006-02-13T15:51:00.000-08:00

Bed, that is.

Hubby and I made an executive decision this weekend that we were going to work on getting all children in their designated beds by a decent hour with as little crying as possible. And so this little "project" begins...

A little background. What might at first glance seem a highly disfunctional family worked well for us. Since having The Shadow and deciding to breastfeed him, I had to learn how to do it the most comfortable way possible. For me, that was on the couch. I set up his Pack & Play right next to me and when he was small, he would be in the bassinet part and I could reach in and get him, no problem. I slept between feedings. He slept between feedings. It was all good.

JJ thought this would be a great time to seize the opportunity to reclaim the open spot in mommy & daddy's bed. We co slept with him until he was way too big. We finally had him transitioned to a toddler bed in our room. Well, he figured that since mommy wasn't keeping daddy warm at night, he could.

And there you have it. Quite possible the worst thing that could have happened. Now The Shadow is older and needs to sleep in that beautiful crib that was never used and stop looking for a boob all night. JJ needs to sleep in that big boy bed that we bought him. We even moved it into the nursery so that he wouldn't have to sleep alone.

The first night was a nightmare. JJ was up every 2 hours whining to get in our bed. I was this close to blowing a gasket on him at 3 am. Finally he slept the rest of the night on the floor. The Shadow slept remarkably well, only waking for a feeding at 5:30. I was shocked!

Then came night #2. JJ only woke up at 11:30 and I talked him into staying in his bed and it worked. No promises. No bribes. No idle threats. I just told him that he was a big boy and this is where he belonged. He said "But mom. I can't do it. I am too scared!" And I reminded him of the first day of school. "Remember how scared you were?" I said. "You got through it and now you love school. It's all a part of growing up. You are my big boy and I know you can do this." And he did. I am shocked.

The Shadow on the other hand, must not have heard my pep talk. He was awake at 1:30 and again at 3:30 when I gave up and stuck him in our bed. Damn it. I swore I wouldn't do that, but I had to work today and I needed some sleep! I should have gone to bed with him at 8:30, but then I wouldn't have seen Gabi get a new Chinese maid or Merideth & Mc Dreamy not hook up for the millionth time.

So, the weaning thing is going along slowly. I keep hoping every night that he won't find what he's looking for in there and just go to sleep. I know I am really cutting down on my supply. I can tell. I was feeling all achy, crampy & bloated this weekend. I'm just praying now that he is getting close to being weaned that I am returning to the fertile days. I haven't seen AF since I got pg with The Shadow. What is that...Feb or March of 04? Isn't that strange? I never thought I would see the day that I would want AF to visit again.

Hubby keeps talking about #3. If we are going to do it, I want to get it over with. I don't want another 4 1/2 years between kids. I would love to get pg again, but without AF, I don't see that happening. I even took a pgy test this weekend, hoping to explain away the overall crappy way I was feeling, but it was a BFN. So there you go.

It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that other moms out there are having the same issues with their kids that I am. The demon that has replaced your 5 year old.
Check.
The other mom's who are dealing with weaning their babies.
Check, check.

It's nice to know you are not alone in hell.

Becoming a Weaner

2006-02-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

I am at a bit of a loss as to which of my boys are more challenging at the moment. I believe that each of them are giving me an equal dose of craziness. I get it from JJ until he goes to bed and I get it from The Shadow during the night.

I really REALLY want this weaning thing to go quicker. I tried giving him a bottle before bed when I used to nurse him. That's not working out so good. He gulps that down like it was an appetizer and then goes searching for his favorite boob. I know my milk production is way down and he is not getting much, he just loves the comfort of it. I am at a loss as to what to do. If I didn't have to get up before the sun to get to work on time, maybe I would let him cry it out. Our house is so small that it would never work. I'm already functioning on next to no sleep.

So little sleep that last night I fell asleep at 9:30. Right in the middle of one of my favorite shows. LOST. I missed half of LOST. I am going to be screwed next week. That show has already got me so confused, I guess I don't know why it matters that I missed that much, but it does. I am so mad at myself. Reason #1586 why I need Tivo.

Tomorrow is the Valentines Day party in JJ's class. I am going to be a good mom and make heart shaped brownies for the party. And I even bought cute little candy hearts to put on them. So, you all know what I will be doing tonight. I have to get them in the oven before 8 so I can watch Survivor and the have them cool by 9 so I can cut out the shapes before Gray's Anatomy comes on. I also must help JJ write his name on 20 valentines and finish his homework before bed. Nothing like a little procrastination to keep things fun. And I hate to have any of this interfere with TV time.

Why the party so early, you asked??? Because he has Monday & Tuesday off of school next week. Monday for Lincoln's Birthday and Tuesday for this.

Yes, they get a day off of school for the biggest Ag show on earth. Yes, it is a big deal. You see, the Governator is even going to be here. Which should be loads of fun for me. My office just happens to be on the farm show grounds and happens to be in the building where Ahhhnold will be waiting to make his appearance. So that means all of those Secret Agents running around talking into their shirts and not letting you walk down the hall to the crapper because God forbid you actually get a good look at the governor. Then you might notice that in reality he is too tan and really short. Pretty disappointing when you think of how big and strong and hot he was in Terminator. He was here 2 years ago, so we know the drill. Fun.

His "team" was here yesterday scoping the place out. You could smell them a mile away, what with all of the fancy cologne and the expensive clothes. This one gent had a pair of pants on the were just yummy. They probably cost more than I make in a month. The fabric looked so soft. I thought about asking him if I could touch them, but I thought maybe he would get the wrong idea and run for the hills. I would hate to be solely responsible for the Governor canceling his visit simply because I wanted to feel his head of security's pants. Wouldn't that be a front page story!

So, if anyone out there in the wild blue yonder has any magic tricks as to how I can become a weaner, send them my way. Please!!!

Why Is This So Shocking????

2006-02-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2006/02/britney_spears_.html

I mean, can we really expect more from the chick who married K-Fed and continues to want to make innocent, precious babies with that slimeball???

I don't think so.....

Poor little guy. Just goes to show that money doesn't buy you common sense.

Reality Bites

2006-02-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

I am here to make a confession. My name is Haylady and I am addicted to bad reality TV. Really bad reality TV. I can't help myself. I haven't sunk into the depths of "Skating with the Stars" yet. Maybe what I watch is worse.

As a 30 something year old housewife, I am embarrassed to admit I am hopelessly hooked on the following shows

Meet the Barkers. I know. It's pretty lame. But something about that show is intriguing. I guess to see how a guy covered in tattoos, piercings & wearing a mowhawk is so down to earth, considerate and normal peaks my interests.
There & Back. Doubly lame. I was addicted to the very first Making the Band (O-Town) so seeing where this member is now is interesting to me.
Laguna Beach. I can't wait for the new season to start. Although I am going to miss that cutie Talon.
The Bachelor. I quit watching this show the last couple seasons because these stupid people always pick the wrong ones (hence the reason they are still single in the first place!!) but this one has peaked my interest. The Bachelor this season is YUMMY!!
American Idol. Doesn't everyone watch this???
Survivor. I'm not sure I will like this season, but I'm gonna give it a try.
The Amazing Race. Can't wait for it to start again!!

Have you seen the Ted Nugent reality show? I am not hooked, but I have to admit it is HILARIOUS!!! I can't believe what people will do for money. 2 people actually had "Property of Ted Nugent" tattooed on their asses just so they could stay in the game. Crazy!!!

I don't know how/why I am into these shows. What does that say about me? I wonder how many other people out there are scurrying home every night to fill their heads with the mindless crap of others.

Observations

2006-02-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

Last night in my weekly jaunt to the grocery store, I noticed a few things in the parking lot. Things that made me wonder, once again, how is it possible that this stuff exists in CA and why do I live where it does!!??!!!

A new Chevy Aveo (think Ford Festiva), yellow in color, Nascar stickers all over it (not just on the bumper) and a license plate that said "JFFGRDN". I find it ironic that all of this Nascar stuff is on the slowest car on the planet. I am sure that Jeff Gordon would be thrilled with all of your advertising on your roller skate on wheels.
A 4-wheel-drive pickup with a huge CB antenna that probably reached 20 feet in the sky, whose license plate read "GITRDNE". I mean, who in the hell are you trying to talk to with that thing? Mars? Larry the Cable Guy wherever he is on tour???
A couple who were so dirty it gave me the creeps walking by them in the store, filling their cart with Top Raman in bulk and generic soda. I was sure they were the proud owners of the beautiful Aveo in the parking lot, but no!!! I see them getting into a Lexus. I'm sorry, but no car is worth the Top Ramen and generic soda diet. And apparently, they have had their water turned off, since I know neither of their greasy asses had taken a shower in the last week.

What the hell?????

The World Is As It Should Be

2006-02-06T15:33:00.000-08:00

What a nice weekend. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have had this nice of a weekend.

My date on Friday night with JJ was fantastic!! We had a great time. We went out to dinner and then headed over to the concert. Let me tell you, I was with the best looking cowboy there. He was really good. He made it through the first couple acts. Too bad George came on so late. I think he only stayed awake for about 5 songs. Then he was out. I don't know how he slept through a concert, but he did. It was really a good concert, not much of a show. I like George Strait, but he only comes on the stage to sing his songs, not to "entertain" you, so to speak. No fancy lights, no banter with the crowd. Just a man, his old band, and his guitar singing 36 songs. But oh, can he sing. We didn't get out of there until 11:30 and then I had to drive home. In the fog. I was SO tired. I was literally slapping my face to stay awake. That was the longest 1 1/2 hours of my life. By the time I got into bed it was 1:30 am. This momma ain't used to that no more.

The Shadow forgot that mommy had gone to bed so late and he had me up at 6:30! Ack!!! I was so exhausted. And to top it off, the Hubby slept in (something he never does) until 9. I was a little crabby to say the least. He redeemed himself by taking the boys out and letting me go back to bed. He brought The Shadow to me at noon for a nap and we slept together until 1:30. That's right. I got a 3 hour nap on Saturday. Do you know how long it's been since I had a nap??? It was freakin FANTASTIC!!!! If there were such a thing as a nap orgasm, I think I had one :) I made sure to repay the Hubby for his kindness that night.

Then on Saturday night the Hubby & I went out on a childless date. Today is Hubby's birthday, so we decided to celebrate it on Saturday. We went to our favorite little Italian place. The food was OK. Then we went to see the cowboy movie. No, not that one, Walk the Line. I don't think I could get Hubby into the theater to watch Brokeback Mountain if they were giving away his favorite Cuban cigars in there. Anyway, WTL was a really good story & we both enjoyed it.

Sunday was kind of a relaxing day around the Hay house. I did have to make a run to Costco for diapers. I was running low the other day, so I bought some Luv's to get by. Big mistake. Those diapers are terrible. Good thing they have a money back guarantee. They'll certainly be giving me my money back! I can't believe that someone hasn't sued them for false advertising. Luv's stops leaks, my ass!!! That was the first time ever that The Shadow woke up wet. He is not a super soaker by any stretch of the imagination. He peed right through that sorry excuse of a diaper.

So, Costco run and then home to make Hubby a chocolate birthday torte. We had a nice family dinner and then sang daddy happy birthday and ate cake.

And best of all, there was absolutely no football on TV in our house all weekend.

I love my husband.

Hay Lady

I Don't Wanna

2006-02-01T14:28:00.000-08:00

get out of bed
go to school
eat breakfast
brush my teeth
comb my hair
wear that shirt
wear those shoes
bring my lunch
put on a jacket
find my backpack
give you a hug

All of this before 7:15 am. Lovely.

How do you explain to a 5 year old that sometimes life sucks that way and you just have to roll with it????

Another craptacular night followed by an equally shitty morning.

The Shadow is cutting his eye teeth. The poor thing is just wailing in pain. He has 2 crys. An I'm-pissed-and-you-better-give-me-what-I-want cry and an I'm-really-hurt-can't-you-see-my-crocodile-tears cry. This was the latter, for sure. At first my super-mommy skills were not honing in on the exact problem, but a quick swipe of the gums held all the answers. There it was, that spiky little bastard. All that pain and misery for those stupid teeth. A little Orajel for immediate relief and Motrin for long term relief and a dessert of creme booblee and he was asleep early. The screaming & crocodile tears did return at about midnight, but a bit more Motrin & dessert and he was in sleepland once again.

Our addition of chocolate to the 100 party was a hit. At least I think it was. He came home with a 100 headband, placemat and a necklace adorned with 100 Fruit Loops. I asked him how they liked the chocolate chips and he just grunted. Way to deflate my ego, sonny boy.

He fell asleep on the couch early, but that extra sleep was no help to his morning attitude. See above.

Did I mention how much this "stage" sucks the big one????

Hay Lady

100 Brownies

2006-02-01T10:26:00.000-08:00

JJ was really pleasant last night. Hmph. Go figure. I wish there was some rhyme or reason to it so that we could make his life (and ours) easier, but we haven't found that golden ticket yet.

So, as I was tucking him into bed, he said "Mommy, can you make me 100 brownies to take to school tomorrow?"

"Um, why would you need 100 brownies for school?" I asked.

"It's 100 day tomorrow and I want to bring 100 brownies to celebrate."

OK.

Thanks teacher for sending home some kind of note/warning that you were going to be celebrating the 100th day of school with a party.
Thanks JJ for telling me at 8:30 pm that you would like me to make you 100 brownies. Especially since mommy hasn't sat down since she got home. Unless you count the one ass cheek I had on the chair during dinner while I was tending to my 3 masters every wish.

Obviously the brownie thing wasn't going to happen. I pride myself on being a good mama. Just not that good. I was wracking my brain trying to think of something edible I have in the house that he can bring to school for "the party".

100 Cheerios? He's not going for that.

100 Fruit snacks? I don't think I have that many & I am not opening them all up to count.

100 potato chips? Well, I think they would turn into 500 by the time they made it out of his backpack.

100 marshmallows? I forgot, we used them when we had the Rice Krispies Treat munchies.

Hmmmm...

I've got it!!!

100 chocolate chips.

Damn I am good!!! He still gets his chocolate and his 100 thing.

And that, my friends, is why they call me MOM!!

Hay Lady

You Would Never Know

2006-02-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

that they could be so rough by this sweet picture....

All This and a Cherry on Top

2006-01-31T10:30:00.000-08:00

A vacation to get over my vacation. That's what I need!

The coast was *beautiful*. Perfect weather. My boys, they had issues. Sleep issues. Behavior issues. Ugh.

I don't know what I am going to do about JJ's issues. He can be the sweetest kid and than WHAM, with no warning, turn into a whining crying DEFIANT monster. He can be the kind of kid I swore mine would never be. When he acts like that I want to throw up my hands and have a meltdown right along side him. Time out does NOT work. Spanking does NOT work. Negotiating does NOT work. I just don't know what to do. How is it that this little 5 year old can out smart us? He does listen to the Hubby if he puts on his I'm-really-mad-and-I-am-not-joking face. But I hate that. I hate that I always have to call Daddy in to referee the fights.

Ugh again. This is hard and it sucks. I thought 5 was the turning point? I thought 5 was when they got easier? Ya. Not so much.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for 6. The hardest part for me is that I know he is a good kid. He is so smart, funny, wise, observant, creative, loved. I just think sometimes he really can't help himself. He can't shut himself down or turn it off. It's all or nothing with him. He goes & goes & goes until he crashes & burns. He won't quit talking while we are in the car because he will fall asleep. Everytime. What is that? ADD? ADHD? God, I hope not. I pray that we can get this under control with voodoo from the Herb man.

He does really well in school. Except for this one kid who annoys the crap out of him and they feed off each other. They never should have been in the same class. We know this kid. How we know this kid is a long story fit for it's own soap opera. Condensed version is one of my hubby's sisters used to sleep with this kids dad when he was broke up from his mom, but now they are back together. Awkward, no?? I should have trusted my gut and put JJ in another class when I saw this kid. But I liked his teacher and I didn't like the other one. Sigh. So we'll tough it out this year and I already requested that they NOT be in the same class next year. That is if he is even still going there. Maybe someone will answer my prayers and we will get into the Catholic school he should have been in this year. Nothing like a nun to get behavior in check.

And The Shadow. If that kid doesn't learn to sleep without the boob in his mouth I think I am going to fall apart. He refuses to sleep anywhere but next to me. That is fine. We co-slept with JJ, I don't mind doing it with him. But he wants to nurse all night long. I have resorted to telling him "No more booby" and turning my back on him. He cries for a bit and then throws himself on the bed in defeat. He will fall asleep, but then be back up in an hour or so looking for his boob again. Why oh why can't he just take a pacifier? I can't believe I even want that after the nightmare I had trying to break his brother from it. He just will not take it. He refuses a paci or blanket. No soothers other than mommy's boob. Great. So much for all of that wasted money on these.

So, after dealing with JJ & The Shadow all weekend, I am TIRED. Very tired. I called the Hubby to ask what he wanted me to pick up for dinner last night and he said he wanted to go out. Cool! But get this, here was his reason...HE doesn't want to deal with the dishes. He doesn't want to deal with the dishes???? When the hell has he ever "dealt with the dishes"??? Once a year, maybe??? He always has to ruin a good thing. Always. You would think by now he would learn when to shut his trap.

Oy. Let's just top it all off by saying that we kind of got screwed by the rental place this weekend. They double booked the house we were supposed to be. How does that happen? So, they put us up here instead. It was super nice. Farther from the beach, but we like to walk, so OK. And it proved the point that I have that airline pilots make great dough. The guy who owns it is a pilot for Southwest & lives in Washington. If he can call this his vacation home than HOLY CRAP is all I can say. We are talking Granite & tumbled Travertine throughout. And the stone work. And the floor. No expense spared, that's for sure. The pictures do not do this place justice.

So that is that. Just another day in paradise.

Hay Lady

Sound of Silence no more

2006-01-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

The Shadow has recently begun chatting. I love it! I am not sure why because I know that he is going to be talking non-stop like his older brother, still, I love to hear his voice. He has such a boy voice. It's all raspy & low. So funny. Here are the words he is currently saying...

"Bahhh" (Bye, accompanied by vicious waving of hands)
"Bok" (I'm not sure if he is trying to say dog or Bugsy, but he does this when he sees a dog)
"Maaaammmaa" (*swoon*)
"Whas sat?" (What's that?)
"Daaaadaaa" (Daddy)
"Dis" (This, accompanied by pointing to exactly what he wants)

He is also picking up on Portuguese. His babysitter doesn't speak English, so he is around it a couple days a week. Plus, most of the words I know are elementary, so I use them when the kids are little. That, along with the Dutch words I know should have these kids nice & confused. He knows how to say kiss in Portuguese and also "Mal-mal" which means "Bad, bad". Like when he is doing something he shouldn't be he hears "No, no. Mal, mal". He likes to tell his big brother that when he bugs him.

His lip is healing amazingly well. You can't even tell anything happened. I think it was all of the super power breastmilk he gets ;) He walks all over the place and is SUCH a good eater. I am so glad he has picked up his fathers eating habits. Last night he ate raw cucumber & tomato, rice, chicken & broccoli. Ewwwww!!! What one year old eats like that??? I should be thrilled. I know. I'll shut up now.

Jabber Jaws has been having a rough time lately. We have been bringing him to an Herbologist to get his allergies & behavior under control. Well whatever voodoo potion he gave him this time is making him nuts. Bouncing off the walls. Whiny, crying, just overall not in good shape. I told DH to call the guy and tell him we are going to make a trek back to his teepee so he can re-evaluate the treatment plan. This is not working.

We are at each others throats all the time. He climbed in bed with me & The Shadow after the hubby left this morning at 5:00 and kept talking and tossing & turning. I was furiously trying to get my last hour of sleep in and I yelled at him to be quiet and lay still or GET OUT! He finally fell back asleep as I was rolling out of bed and then refused to get up at 7. Once I drug his behind out of bed and made him get dressed, he couldn't find his shoes. He wouldn't put on the other shoes (which are perfectly good shoes, I might add) and had a meltdown. I made him get them on and told him to run out the bus and he went into my MIL's house instead. Well, the bus showed up and left without him. I heard the bus pull up in front and I heard how quick he left, so I knew. In JJ's defense, the bus was about 3 minutes early, but still.

Wait until I see that bus driver tomorrow. I am going to give him a piece of my mind. There are days when we have to wait 5 or 10 minutes for him. He doesn't even have the courtesy to honk and wait a freakin minute when he is early? I refuse to have my child standing outside from 7:15 on when it is 30 degrees outside just so that you don't have to wait. I can understand if we are late, but not if you are running early. And, BTW, don't expect anymore nice gifts from this stop if you keep it up, a-hole.

Phew. I feel better now.

Hay Lady

Greeeeeeen Acres is the place to be

2006-01-24T15:46:00.000-08:00

Faaaarm living is the life for me. Sing it with me! I know you all are going "Ba-na-na-na-na da-da"

I just called the Hubby to see what he would like from the kitchen tonight and I am hearing this horrible noise. I ask what in sam hell he is doing (no, I didn't actually say that. He would though) and the conversation went something like this...

Me: What the hell was that?

Him: (Laughing) Good shot, dude.

Me: What are you doing?

Him: We are blowing the shit out of this house.

Me: Whaaaatttt?

Him: You know, this house we are tearing down? Well me & J.D. (not J.D. & I) thought it would be fun to see what a shotgun would do to it.

Me: And were you right? Is it so much fun?

Him: You have no idea.

OMG. I married Eddie Albert. Or Larry the Cable Guy.

By the way, this font color has a special place in my life (and it's not my heart). It is the exact color of the houses on the ranch. No lie. The house being torn down is this color. There have been many houses on the ranch this color, but now only 3 remain. Why can't he take aim with the shotgun at our house??? Maybe then I can have a normal color. Like this.

Not one that will burn your retnas out at first glimpse.

Hay Lady

The Things We Do For Love

2006-01-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

I just got a call from my sister-in-law. She is a DJ for a country station in Bakersfield. She asked me if I would like 2 tickets and possibly back stage passes to see George Strait. Now, any country music fan would be so ecstatic about this opportunity. I am not so much a country music fan anymore. Ever since I turn it on and I have to hear ludicrous songs about beer goggles and honkytonkbedonkeydonk, I'm over it. Give me Stone Temple Pilots any day of the week. I have been there, done the country thing. I'll admit it. I have owned my fair share of Wranglers & Ropers (hey, it was cool here once upon a time). I am not ready to go back there.

My son, however, LOVES George Strait. He knows all of his songs. I Hate Everything is his specialty. He has his movie (Pure Country) and would like to be just like him when he grows up. He even carried around a guitar when he was younger and made up cute little songs about Chicken Farts. Oh the joy that shall come from those videos when he gets older.

So the parental guilt kicks in and I find myself saying "Sure. I would love to take Jabber Jaws." before I even knew what hit me. That's not exactly where I thought the conversation was going. I thought she was going to volunteer to take him. No such luck. She has to work at a remote that night. Damn. Hubby has no desire to go to any concert, ever. I had to drag him, kicking & screaming & half drunk to Cirque de Soleil when we were in Vegas. And he loved it. Somehow he is not convinced about George.

Think of me February 3rd. I'll probably be the only one who has a 5 year old for a date. I hope we aren't surrounded by beer drinking hillbillys shouting "Yeehaw" at the stage. We are going to Fresno, you know.

Joy.

Hay Lady

We're cruising now!

2006-01-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

We are on our way! Nosleepsville is in the rear-view mirror and I can see Restedmamahappybaby in the headlights. Oh joy!

The Shadow slept. He actually slept. Naps were good and the nights were better. He fell asleep on Saturday night at 8 and slept until 8 the next morning, only waking to nurse once. And he fell asleep at 7 last night and slept until 7 this morning only nursing a couple times. I know I am jinxing myself with all of this talk, but what can I say? I am proud of him.

I am mad at me, though. I did go to sleep Saturday night at a decent hour, but it was 11 before I closed my eyes last night. I had to see what happened on Desperate Housewives & Gray's Anatomy. I so want to be into that show, but it's pretty difficult to keep my eyes open that late. I even gave up watching ER because I can't stay awake. I have got to get Tivo!

So hopefully he will not get all screwed up when we go away this weekend. Although I think the first time I really noticed him sleeping well in his own bed was when he was 3 months old and we went to the coast. Let's just pray that luck continues.

In other good news, I finished painting my living room this weekend! Hooray!!!! I will post some pics once I have things on the wall. I have my couch set up as it should be. It's wonderful. I love being able to sit together as a family without fighting over who gets which seat. Seeing the new paint & the new couch makes me yearn for a new chair for DH. And some new blinds. And some new curtains. Maybe I will get crafty with the sewing machine I got for my birthday. That could be fun!

I don't know when in the heck I think I am going to have time to sew. I just love the idea of being able to. Hubby just rolls his eyes. All he thinks about is me getting into another hobby and bringing more stuff into our house which is already BULGING at the seams. This is the one thing that can start us to fighting in no time. Him mentioning all of "my stuff". Hello, a-hole. You have 360 acres & numerous shops, garages & an office to keep your stuff in. All I have is this cracker-Jack turquoise house. So get off my back. His response? I could have a 10,000 square foot house and I would still fill it up. Try me, I say. I would love to take on that challenge!

Boy would I love to take on that challenge.

Hay Lady

Trying to quietly tip-toe out of Nosleepsville

2006-01-20T12:40:00.000-08:00

I wanted to make a run for it, but The Shadow keeps pulling me back. He likes Nosleepsville. He wants to stay here. I, on the other hand am looking for greener pastures. I'm not asking for the world. Just maybe a couple 3 hour spurts here and there. I promise that it will make both of us very happy campers.

This nightly trip to Nosleepsville is not complete unless we stop at Whineonmommysleg first. Whineonmommysleg is an ugly place. It's the kind of place that, when you are on a road trip and your bladder is about to explode, you would rather pee yourself than stop there. The people there are scary. I hate stopping there. I do everything in my power to avoid that pitstop. The Shadow, he is a stubborn one. He likes Whineonmommysleg almost as much as Nosleepsville and insists that we visit nightly. Preferably around the time I am trying to get some form of dinner on the table. No amount of collective bargaining, not even with the promise of unlimited Cheerios & cookies, can change the Shadow's mind. Even Mr. Tad Leapfrog who, with his many alphabetical friends, lives on Refrigerator Lane has been given the cold shoulder. Poor little guy.

The only way to change the direction of our evening travels is to head north to Mommysbadhiptown. This makes The Shadow instantly quiet, taking in all of the sights & sounds . One would think Mommysbadhiptown is a place that would compare only to Disneyland, by the look on The Shadow's face. Surely it would be better than Whineonmommysleg, right? I'm not so sure. It's an awkward place where everything is done one-handed and with a wince & moan of pain to go along with it. Somehow, The Shadow doesn't hear those sounds. He likes this place. I suppose it is somewhat warm and cuddly, but I am not sure about the length of time spent there. I think that needs to be curtailed.

I am thinking we will try something new tonight. Perhaps a stop at YourgonnastayinDaddysofficeuntildinnerisdoneland. I think this is a place we can both love. Daddy might have some reservations about it, but he'll just have to deal.

Oh, and before we go to Nosleepsville tonight, we are stopping at Motrinmart. Maybe then we can drive right on through to that Restedmommahappybaby place we have heard so much about.

Hay Lady

Come out of the closet

2006-01-20T08:32:00.000-08:00

I guess no one wants to give me thumbs up (or down) on the format, so I'll go with the initial "It's cool & funky" thought and run with it. That, or there is no one out there who gives a crap & I am talking to myself again. Wouldn't be the first time. If you do care, post a comment, damn it!

I just found out that I am going to Heaven on Earth next weekend! Woohoo!!! My aunt, mom & cousins are going to go. I can't wait! And my aunt is footing the bill. Double woohoo!! And we are staying here. I was just telling my good Canadian friend how I had been inside of this house, but never stayed and alas, my wish was granted! Check out the views from the bath tub. Completely breathtaking. I will be taking the boys with me, but hopefully I will get some relaxing time, too. I so need it. I am in dire need of a beach fix and this should fill me to capacity until March, when we go for our "girls only" weekend. I think The Shadow crashed that party last year, and he may have to again this year. We shall see.

Seriously, though. If anyone out there is reading this and you have never been here, please put it on your list of things to do before you die. It is breathtaking. You don't have to rent a house. You can stay at The Fog Catcher for a very reasonable rate. The rooms are just yummy. The beach is right across a little street & you are a very short walk from this awesome restaurant. Ambiance provided by God. I told you, heaven on earth!

One more thing not to miss there is Hearst Castle. It is well worth the extra money to see the evening tour, what with the period clothing & all. This place is such an architectural phenomenon. Considering the time that it was being built, it is mind blowing. And it was all designed by a woman. You go girl!!!

Let's just top it all off with the fact that next weekend is the Art & Wine Festival. Culture, anyone?

SWEET!

Hay Lady

P.S. Lest I see you standing on the beach peering into the bathroom window, just know that I am bringing the Red Rider. And they call me Dead Eye because my shot is so good.

Is it just me??

2006-01-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

Or is this background depressing? I thought it kind of cool & funky when I saw it (and you know how much I need more cool & funky in my life). The more I see it, the more I think it may appear dark and sad. Yes? No? Do you care? Bueller? Bueller?

Is it just me, or do you find that people become drooly & stupid when they get to a 4-way stop? I have this picture of a recent Sponge Bob episode where the had the "Sphere of Stupid" or something like that. It was a ball (OK,sphere to be exact) and whenever anyone held it, their eyes would roll back in their heads and they would drool and say "Duhhhh...duhhh". And then at the end, they show Patrick drooling with his eyes rolled back in his head, only he isn't holding the sphere anymore. I think I live in a town full of Patrick's. They don't need to hold the Sphere of Stupid. They already have it taken care of. I swear I see people with that same look every time I pull up to a 4-way stop.

Is it just me, or does it really piss you off that the lady who got the face transplant is happy because she can SMOKE again? What an ungrateful b-iotch. I think they should take the face off and give it to someone who will treat it better. If I was the donors family, I would be FURIOUS!

Is it just me, or does everyone you know have sleep issues with their child?

Is it just me, or do you hate having to decide what to feed your family every waking minute? Not only that, but then you have to go to the store, buy the food, bring it home, put it away, take it back out, cook it, serve it and then clean all of the dishes and put those away? Can anyone say sucks with a capital SUCKS?? I'm pretty sure I didn't sign on for that. I think that was in the fine print, the part I always skip.

Is it just me, or are the gas prices trying to creep up slowly, like we aren't supposed to notice? $2.39 is the cheapest I can find. It's cramping my style. I'm feeling all Carol Brady with the wagon thing again. Hubby will not be happy. The farmer's wife SUV needs to be traded for a yuppie wagon. I can feel it.

See, this is why I have this blog. I just have to post these random thoughts. It's way cheaper than shopping therapy.

Hay Lady

Welcome to Nosleepsville

2006-01-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

Population: 2

What happened to my little angel? Has he become possessed? Not that he was ever the World's Best Sleeper, but he was OK. All of the sudden he refuses to sleep without the boob in his mouth. I don't know what to do. I can't have the Hoover hooked on all night. I have tried to sleep everywhere. The bed. The couch. The recliner. The chaise. The sofa bed. Nothing. My back is killing me. And no sleep on top of that is making me want to mark him "Return to Sender" and stick him in the mailbox. Hubby is ZERO help. He sleeps right through it. Besides, what purpose does he serve? He doesn't have the nectar of the gods flowing from his appendages. Oy.

On a brighter note, the sun actually shined for a few days. Hoorah! Jabber Jaws has been running around the farm, Red Rider in hand, having a wonderful time. Life is good. And yes, my 5 year old runs around with a BB gun. And I'm OK with it. No, really, I am. We already mutilated him, so what the hell. Might as well give him a gun too! My DH has more guns than he can count. I guess that's his thing. I don't get it, but then again, he doesn't get why I need to have so much of this. Nor does he understand the twinkle in my eye and the yearning I feel for the red holly dishes. No need for him to know that I already have these or these. I think the Lenox ones are too fancy and the Villeroy & Boch ones are not-so Christmas-ey. They go with my everyday dishes. The Red Arthur Court ones are perfect, no? We abide by the "Don't ask, Dont tell" policy when it somes to Guns & housewares. Good for the marriage.

See how I dream about all things home? I luuurrrvvee home furnishings. Someday when I build a house (stop laughing) I am going to have lots of ledges, niches & so on to display all of my wonderful, pre-child stuff. Stuff that I will NOT part with, no matter how much money Cash In The Attic thinks they can get for me. In the mean time, I must find some new things for my walls. Nothing that involves flowers made of silk or wreaths, please. We are so never traveling down that road again. I did buy a really cool iron cross at the Southern Living party I went to last night. That should look good. Sigh....

Sorry, got off on a tangent. Where was I? Oh yeah, the BB gun. I was a little leary about it at first, but given the fact that he has had it since August and he hasn't shot me with it yet is a pretty good indicator of his understanding of guns. See, our relationship has been on the rocky path since The Shadow was born (can anyone say JEALOUSY??) and given my lack of patience with his constant yammering, I probably would have shot me by now, too. But alas, my son actually listened to the safety course we gave him and is now certified to use the Red Rider about the ranch.

Beware trespassers!

Wishing you all peaceful sleep tonight!! And please, send some sleep vibes to my son. We so need them!!

Hay Lady

Purple & Green

2006-01-17T15:10:00.000-08:00

I discovered something new this weekend. My DH is color-blind. I guess this explains alot of his clothing choices. He was talking about the painting I was doing in the living room and he said the walls were "purple & green". Purple & green? Does anything on these walls look remotely purple & green?

I thought not.

Hay Lady

Lips Heal Faster Than the Heart

2006-01-17T11:12:00.000-08:00

What a weekend. I debated on whether or not I should have hitched a ride down to LA to visit my friend and I soooo should have. That'll teach me to think I should stay home and get some work done.

I guess I should rewind to Saturday. We were going out with my parent's and brother and his wife for a nice dinner to celebrate our birthdays. Well, I thought my hubby had called the MIL to babysit and he thought I did. So guess what? No babysitter and the MIL is gone! Argh! We tracked her down in town and dropped Jabber Jaws off to her, but we opted to keep The Shadow with us, since he is usually a pretty good baby. This was an *adult* place. No, not that kind, you and your dirty mind. I mean the kind of nice place that you don't take babies. The kind where when you walk through the door with a baby on your hip every person in the place gives you that evil eye. You know that one I am talking about. The hostess/owner was very gracious and of course, The Shadow was an angel, flirting with her every chance he got. People even came to the table and commented on how good he was. Nothing makes a mother's heart melt like hearing what an *ANGEL* her baby is. Anywho...

My Brother & Sister in law "surprised" us with the news that they are expecting again. At the end of July (poor girl). Do you know what it's like to have a baby in the summer in the Central Valley? It's like delivering into the depths of hell. It's so stinkin hot. I know. I have so been there. I'd like to say that is why I had baby #2 in December, but I just got lucky. God was smiling on me and knew I would loose my sanity should I have to deliver in August again.

Now learning I am becoming an aunt again should be making me turn cartwheels. See, this is my only sibling. Hubby has 3 siblings, but they are just not the reproducing kind. I wouldn't be surprised if I never see nieces & nephews on that side. And I think that is fine. Great, actually. But I thought it would be different with my brother. See, he went through some really bad times a few years ago and my mom, dad & I were there for him 100%. I'm talking REALLY there for him. Like, mom had to wipe his ass while he had a broken arm & leg there-for-him. I'm talking I had to throw his soon to be ex-wife's crap out of his house there-for him. So, you would think he would be indebted to us forever. No, I guess not that, but maybe just show us a little bit of kindness.

Instead, he & his new wife act like we are bothering them if we call or come over. I have never babysat my nephew. My mom has only babysat him once. We rarely see them. I'm not kidding. I have probably only held my nephew a handful of times. He will be 2 in March. It breaks my heart that they keep themselves so closed off from us. We are normal. I promise. We know how to take care of children. Other than the story I am about to tell you, I haven't seen much blood from my kids. And as a mom of 2 boys, that is something to be proud of. We live near each other. It just breaks my heart. My only prayer is that with this new baby, they will let loose a little bit and spend some more time with family. God forbid something should happen to my brother again, but if it did, I don't think his mother-in-law would be the first in line to wipe his ass. And I hope my mom would act too busy or like she didn't want to be bothered. Would serve him right.

Now, on to the bloody story. Well, I stayed home from LA with the good intentions of finishing the painting I have begun in the living room. Yes, I am doing it alone because my hubby is a worthless painter. On Sunday I had just nursed The Shadow, hoping he would take a nap & I could get started, when he spied Jabber Jaws out the window. He sat up, jumped out of my arms and headed toward the window. I see his fast pace, and knowing his walking skills, start to say "Slow Down", but all I get out is the "Sl" before it happens. It being the loudest thud I have ever heard. It being my heart breaking into a million pieces. It actually being my son bouncing his lips & teeth off of the window sill. I flew off the couch (throwing my hip out in the process) and picked him up. I just knew he was going to be knocked out or something. And then the blood. Oh the blood. Oh the shooting pain in my heart for him and in my hip. I stopped the bleeding, fully expecting to see his teeth knocked out and what I see is almost worse. He has bit through his lip twice. TWICE! Somehow he pinched it between his teeth and the window sill. He even left his teeth marks in the sill as a "reminder".

As a scar that will never heal. So, here I am in my pj's (Yes, I paint in my pj's) with a wretched hip and a bloody kid. So not good. I managed to scream for Jabber Jaws and told him to get his daddy or his grandma over here so I could get some clothes on and we could take his brother to the Dr. He did and we went to the walk-in clinic.

Have you ever been to a walk-in clinic? Strange place. I found the most non-scary looking person to sit next to in the waiting room. This nice older lady who had obviously been bitten by an animal in the face and was sobbing. Now, my assumption was she was sobbing because she was hurt. But it was so much worse than that. It seems she was taking her little dog out for a morning walk and her neighbors were "watching" a Black Lab. For some reason the Lab shot across the street and picked up her dog and started treating him like a chew toy. And this lady jumps into the middle of it and rescues her dog, which in turn, bites her. Poor thing was so scared & confused. So, her dog is at the vet in surgery and she is heartbroken. Apparently, the dog belonged to her daughter who passed away and left it to her. So, her tears were not for herself, but her precious baby who was hurt. I could so relate. My tears were not for the throbbing sciatica pain in my leg, but for my sweet angel with 6 holes in his bottom lip.

After an all-clear (more like a "He bit his lip, what do you want me to do?") from the Dr., we were on our way. He seems to be doing well. Chewing on his thumb and eating fine. Even the nursing has been going great. My heart, on the other hand, I am still picking up the pieces of.

Hay Lady

A little ray of...

2006-01-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

sunshine??? Is that what I see? Could it be? I think so. A new bra and the first glimpse of sun in 5 days. It must be my lucky day.

The sun has finally broken through the nastiest layer of fog that has been hanging around here. Do you know what that does for your psyche? Gets me all tourqed out. I need the sun. I'm from Southern California, the land of perpetual sunshine. Sun = happy Hay Lady.

And the new bra. Oh how I love the new bra. It is fabulous. It makes these poor nursing boobs look good. Life is as it should be again.

I guess I should explain the nick names of the two fruits of my loins. Jabber Jaws (the 5 year old)...well self-explanatory. The kid talks non-stop. It's unreal. I have actually paid him to be quiet for a while. It was the most beautiful 5 minutes of silence I have ever experienced. And completely worth the dollar and the mounds of guilt that went with it.

The Shadow is our 1 year old. A proper nickname, since he is always silently following someone around the house. He is very good about playing alone, he just wants someone near. You turn around and BOOM..there he is. He is becoming quite the little restless sleeper which is not good for mom. I'm not sure what to do about it. Maybe it's the teeth. I better stop by Hell-mart tonight and get some more baby crack.

I was feeling so good about the day I went and bought me a Momagenda. I can't wait to get it. Hopefully it will help me get it together. Oh, and thanks to Meepers (www.chocklate.blogspot.com) for teaching this cyber-retard how to link! Except I can't link to your blog. Oh, the blog gods are making me nuts today!!

The only thing that would make this day better is if I could justify spending $3000 on this. What party planner's life is complete without it? I NEED it. Well, I can keep dreaming!

Hay Lady

Friday night findings

2006-01-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

So here I sit on a Friday night. What happened to my life? I have all of these pre-children visions of grandeur that flow through my mind as I sit here in my pj's at what....8:30??? I would like to tell you it was because we choose to stay home and have a nice peaceful night together...NOT!!! It is so foggy that we can't go anywhere. Not just the kind of fog that blows in. It's the kind of fog that you can't see your hand in front of you face. You can't see a pole along the road. Who am I kidding? Out here you can't even see the road. Jabber Jaws is staying with his grandma tonight and The Shadow is sleeping peacefully with his daddy right now in the chair. Which leads me to my findings...

I think men are born with a magnet in their ass and their recliners/chairs have a huge piece of metal that attracts them the instant they come home. At least mine does. I swear I am tearing apart that old chair and revealing all of it's secret powers. The ability it has to make my husband sit still for hours on end is amazing. I must bottle that formula and secretly give it to my children. That could come in real handy once The Shadow gets as wild as Jabber Jaws.

I have conducted a study and have discovered that it is in fact true that babies have a sensor that goes off inside when you (the mom/dad/primary caregiver, to be PC) close your eyes. We as adults emit a sleeping hormone that only a baby's new little nose can smell. And to them it is the worst stink in the world. Must make stink stop. Mommy must get up. I just know that plays over & over in his tiny little brain until I am up again and he proceeds to mimic a Hoover for a few more hours. Really son, this is my subliminal message to you. Time to get off the tit. I love you. The precious way you smack your lips and giggle with glee when you know the boob is coming out is priceless, but mommy is TIRED. And my boobs are SORE. I know you love them, but Daddy would like them back some day. He has been very patient. Just keep that in mind, OK? And try not to make me feel so guilty about even thinking of the "W" word. I will not be one of those mom's whose kid asks for the tit. No matter what cute name you might give it, it ain't hapennin. Not in this house. That is where I put my foot, er, my shirt down, mister.

I also wanted to take the time to make this legal statement. God forbid someday myself or my family have a horrific car accident on our own road. If that day shall come to pass, please sue the shit out of the county of Tulare on my behalf. Those cheap lazy bastards refuse to paint a line on our road. How much does it cost to have some moron in a paint truck come and paint a line at least down the center of the road so that I have some point of reference as to where my car should be on a road that I can't see because it's too freaking foggy in this purgatory????

That's all she wrote. The Shadow is stirring. I must have closed my eyes there for a minute.

The Hay Lady

Heavy stuff

2006-01-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

As I was saying before, the whole circ debate was a hot topic today. I don't get it. I mean, I guess I get why some people choose not to do it, but I don't understand why people who are against it are SO ADAMANTLY against it. Like I shall suffer in the fiery pits of hell because I "mutilated" my child. Yes, you read that right. I was told today that I have MUTILATED my boys of my own free will. Lovely. I have such nice "friends", huh?? And yes, I consider them my friends. Stop laughing.

I think the anti-circ people want to plant scary visions of children being bound to tables & gagged with sugar water (the evil POISON) and cut to shreds while the mom & dad stand and watch in horror of the now permanent decision that they just made. Guess what??? It's not that bad. I'm not saying it was a walk in the park, but after the initial shot (and no, I am not having a vax debate today, mommy too tired) both of my boys didn't cry. And yes, I was there for both of them. I held their little hands and watched the whole procedure. No harm, no foul. I can't imagine having to explain to my son when he is an adult that he has to have a circ for whatever reason. I know the odds of that are small, but I can imagine that if you asked most men, they would have said "Why didn't they just do it when I didn't know any better?"

Which brings me to another thought. What do men actually think about this? Is it that big of a deal for them? Do they care either way? I guess it kind of sucks for them that they aren't allowed to "test drive" the options before making a decision.

My thoughts (duh...What else is this blog for?)??? I have plenty else to feel guilty about as a mother. Like why I allowed my son to eat nothing but Mac & Cheese yesterday. Circing is not one I choose to add to my list.

And BTW, no, we haven't had the discussion with the boys yet...Or the cows :)

Back later. Hopefully with a lighter topic.

Hay Lady

So this is it....

2006-01-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

My first Blog post. Darn, I wish I had something exciting to say. I am too busy debating whether or not to circ on the mom board I am on. Geesh ladies, a little heavy for a Friday afternoon.

Anyway, if I have any readers, let me just start by telling you I HATED English in school. So you will have to forgive my grammar. No, wait. It's my blog. I can write however I want.

I'm not sure what will be said here (actually, I am a little afraid). It may be a blog about nothing. Maybe it should have been named Seinfeld. Oh, that's right, I hate that show.

If you care to join me, hang on for a wild ride. Keep your hands & feet in the car at all times (I wish I knew how to say it in Spanish, you know, like on the Matterhorn?). Here are the mis-adventures of a mom of two boys who's blogging on the farm.

Hay Lady